All the family was asleep while I pulled out the cereal from the pantry in a somewhat groggy state. After I poured my Captain Crunch Berries and poured the cold milk in the bowl, I heard the maraca at the bottom of the stairs shake. Usually something like this would freak me out considering I felt alone being the only one awake, but surprisingly I was relaxed while trying to rationalize what could have caused the maraca to shake. After not coming up with much justification, I went to grab my bowl of cereal when I heard the maraca shake again. "Ok, I bet one of the kids woke up and they are slowly making their way up the stairs" I thought. So I went down to check, only to hear their snores and see them sound asleep. Hmmm, no doubt that the maraca shook. I heard it 2 separate times. It was as if the first time it happened, I brushed it off as maybe I was imagining it, but then it happened a couple minutes later, as if to say, "yep you heard that all right." I don't know if it's because I'm in such a good place spiritually that it doesn't scare me, but I really was not bothered by it.
When I was little, I had an intense fear of ghosts. My grandparents lived near an abandoned "haunted house" and when I was around 6 yo my dad, my sister, and I lived with them which is when I believe my fear of ghosts was heightened. I would go to bed with my head barely peaking out of my blankets with my body so tense that even my breathing made me nervous. I didn't want to disturb the ghosts that I was sure were around. Never did I see any or have any weird things happen, but I walked around the farm with a thick cloud of fear especially when I was alone. I even walked around in my brown rubber boots and a spray bottle filled with water so I could randomly spray the air, thinking it would disintegrate them, if in fact I felt like a ghost was near! Many nights I would wake up screaming from nightmares that, to this day, I can remember. It was awful! It sounds crazy to most, I know, but this was my "reality."
My mom said that when her and my dad were together, they lived in an old house that she had no doubt was haunted, especially on the upper level. She refused to go up there and on the day that they finally moved out, she said my no-nonsense uncles who helped her move, also felt that something was upstairs which scared them as they helped her move.
There have been random strange things that happen in my house and have been happening every once in a while since we moved in. It was a brand new house, so I'm not sure if it is the land and who was on it prior to us or if it's someone who's past on and knows us that comes to visit. Things like doors closing, loud bangs from unattended areas, and things falling from the counter when no one was near them. Even with my history of fear as a child, I don't have a sense of worry when these things happen here. My gut either feels safe or I try to rationalize and push the event out of my mind so I can continue to live here! Haha!
It makes me wonder if Mason senses something more when he goes to bed because for almost 2 years he fought going to bed in his room downstairs. My daughter, Lilah, on the other hand, has no problem going down to bed and will even ask to be put to bed! Lately he has been going to bed a lot better than he used to which makes me feel better. He is a lot like me in many ways and I'd hate for him to feel the fear that I used to have.
Who knows what causes these strange things to happen? Nobody can really discount what you hear or see because these things did in fact happen, but people can question or believe whatever they want when it comes to why these things happen. With any explanation, I trust my gut more than ever and believe that whatever it is that is causing the unusual sounds and movements, it isn't meant to scare us.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Bump in the Road
About mid May, I noticed my youngest, who was 18 mo at the time, had increased puffiness around her eyes. Every morning seemed to be when the puffiness peaked and by evening, it seemed to diminish. I would point it out to other family members, but no one else really noticed a difference. Dave saw the increased swelling, but we both chopped it up to allergies since the air was being stirred up by so much rain. Nothing else seemed to fit. We didn't change anything that would trigger us to think that the culprit was environmental. It was just odd because she didn't acted any different and no other symptoms were present. As those two weeks pasted, the swelling was getting worse and not going away at night time like it had before. Her belly was getting rounder and her feet were barely squeezing into the sparkly sandals that once fit to perfection.
On the Wednesday before Memorial Day weekend, I had decided that this puffiness was not getting any better and if we didn't do anything soon, her eyes would be swollen shut. I worked the next day, but made an appointment for the first thing in the morning with a different doctor than normal, since Brinlee's primary physician was on vacation. I got a surprise visit at work from Dave and the kids as they were passing time from the appointment and waiting for labs to come back on Brin. Dave mentioned that the doctor thought that whatever was causing Brinlee's issue may have stemmed from her protein level being off, but nothing was definite. I was confused and unfortunately there wasn't much clarity at that time. When I came home from work, Dave had said that Brinlee was prescribed eye drops, that lab was unable to get a good blood sample, and that he didn't know much more than that. Before we put Brinlee to bed that night, we put drops in her eyes and hoped the morning would bring her swelling down.
Unfortunately, her eyes were puffier than ever. She looked like she had been crying all night or punched in both eyes. I panicked, called Dave, then called the clinic to get in with a Pediatrician that I was familiar with. I knew that this Pediatrician wouldn't let us go on to the upcoming long weekend without answers. As I made the phone call to the clinic to get in with the Pediatrician, I had a bit of panic set in as the scheduler told me that if there was an opening with any of the other doctors in the clinic, we would have to see them because their policy is that if the doctor you are trying to get into is booked & also not your primary physician, then they must look at the other doctors' schedules for an opening rather than requesting to be squeezed into the Pediatrician's schedule. I held my breath as she searched for other openings and was relieved to here that everyone else was also booked too, so she could move forward and send an appointment request to the Pediatrician we wanted to see. We were called back within minutes from hanging up with a confirmation time to be seen.
I gathered all 3 kids together and we were quickly on our way to the clinic. Go figure that this would be the day that Dave was gone and working with a friend. When we walked in, some familiar faces who worked at the clinic, came up to us, trying to brainstorm what could possibly be causing the swelling. Every last one of them thought it was allergies. I knew it wasn't allergies. She hadn't itched them at all, was not sneezing, and her nose never drained. The Pediatrician came in and after reviewing the information from the day prier's appointment, he had guessed that her kidneys were to blame. He ordered labs and told me that we would know for sure if it was kidney issues once her results were back, but he was pretty certain that the labs would confirm his thoughts. After he walked out of the room and I let the information set in, I remembered that my maternal grandma & maternal aunt had kidney issues and quickly ran out of the room to let the Ped's doc aware of this information. Right away, he ruled out any relation between her kidney problem and my family's and set my mind at ease.
After about 20 minutes of waiting for the labs to be processed, we had her results. Her diagnosis confirmed... nephrotic syndrome. Her labs were completely the classic look of the syndrome with protein in her urine being 657 (normal value 1-14) and her albumin being 1.1 (normal being at least 3.5). Basically her kidneys were not working properly, to say the least, and her entire body was filling with fluid. The cause is unknown, but likely stemmed from some type of virus. He was 98% certain she had the type of nephrotic syndrome that can be treated and cured. The regimen would include a minimal of 6 weeks of high dose steroids twice daily and antibiotics once daily. Since steroids tend to wipe out immunity, she needed the antibiotics for extra protection. The doctor made it very clear that a fever at any point in the process would need immediate attention and give her a spendy admit ticket to the hospital. We pulled her out of swimming and tried to keep her away from crowded places those first few weeks to give her extra protection.
The true test would come the week after the steroids were started. If her labs showed improvement, we would know that the nephrotic syndrome is the type the the doc was 98% sure that she had and if not, it would mean she would need a kidney biopsy and a change in treatment plans. With lots of prayers, we hoped for the best. I had to work the night before her appointment that would determine her fate, but no matter how tired, I was not missing that appointment. First sign of improvement was her 1 pound weight loss showing us that her kidneys were starting to work better. Then came the true answer. Her blood was drawn and we went home with a plastic baggy on her bottom to collect urine. I arrived home, exhausted, and checked to see if her results were ready to view in the computer. Since she hadn't peed and thus the specimen not sent at that moment, we wouldn't know her protein level and thus would see only the albumin. Her albumin was ready to view. With a groggy mind, I seen that her albumin went from 1.1 to 1.2, barely anything to cheer about. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep. I thought for sure that we would be scheduling a biopsy in the next week. After a few hours of sleep, I awoke to check for her protein lab value and had to do a double take to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Protein level= 45!!!! It was 657 less than one week prior and had dropped significantly! Hooray!!!
Her labs are now back to normal and last week we were able to finally decrease her dose of steroids and discontinue her antibiotics. She is much more irritable than normal and doesn't sleep well from the meds, but we are so grateful that these meds have essentially cleared her body of the nephrotic syndrome. Next week, she will see the Nephrologist and hopefully be discontinued from the the steroids shortly after that. Her cheeks are bigger than ever from the steroids and at a family reunion an older lady thought she was looking pretty "healthy" due to her increased weight appearance. I explained to her that she had chubby cheeks from steroids and she knew then, that healthy may have not been the right words ;) I know that this bump in the road is nothing compared to what other parents have endured and am so very grateful that we have the medicine available to treat our "baby."
On the Wednesday before Memorial Day weekend, I had decided that this puffiness was not getting any better and if we didn't do anything soon, her eyes would be swollen shut. I worked the next day, but made an appointment for the first thing in the morning with a different doctor than normal, since Brinlee's primary physician was on vacation. I got a surprise visit at work from Dave and the kids as they were passing time from the appointment and waiting for labs to come back on Brin. Dave mentioned that the doctor thought that whatever was causing Brinlee's issue may have stemmed from her protein level being off, but nothing was definite. I was confused and unfortunately there wasn't much clarity at that time. When I came home from work, Dave had said that Brinlee was prescribed eye drops, that lab was unable to get a good blood sample, and that he didn't know much more than that. Before we put Brinlee to bed that night, we put drops in her eyes and hoped the morning would bring her swelling down.
Unfortunately, her eyes were puffier than ever. She looked like she had been crying all night or punched in both eyes. I panicked, called Dave, then called the clinic to get in with a Pediatrician that I was familiar with. I knew that this Pediatrician wouldn't let us go on to the upcoming long weekend without answers. As I made the phone call to the clinic to get in with the Pediatrician, I had a bit of panic set in as the scheduler told me that if there was an opening with any of the other doctors in the clinic, we would have to see them because their policy is that if the doctor you are trying to get into is booked & also not your primary physician, then they must look at the other doctors' schedules for an opening rather than requesting to be squeezed into the Pediatrician's schedule. I held my breath as she searched for other openings and was relieved to here that everyone else was also booked too, so she could move forward and send an appointment request to the Pediatrician we wanted to see. We were called back within minutes from hanging up with a confirmation time to be seen.
I gathered all 3 kids together and we were quickly on our way to the clinic. Go figure that this would be the day that Dave was gone and working with a friend. When we walked in, some familiar faces who worked at the clinic, came up to us, trying to brainstorm what could possibly be causing the swelling. Every last one of them thought it was allergies. I knew it wasn't allergies. She hadn't itched them at all, was not sneezing, and her nose never drained. The Pediatrician came in and after reviewing the information from the day prier's appointment, he had guessed that her kidneys were to blame. He ordered labs and told me that we would know for sure if it was kidney issues once her results were back, but he was pretty certain that the labs would confirm his thoughts. After he walked out of the room and I let the information set in, I remembered that my maternal grandma & maternal aunt had kidney issues and quickly ran out of the room to let the Ped's doc aware of this information. Right away, he ruled out any relation between her kidney problem and my family's and set my mind at ease.
After about 20 minutes of waiting for the labs to be processed, we had her results. Her diagnosis confirmed... nephrotic syndrome. Her labs were completely the classic look of the syndrome with protein in her urine being 657 (normal value 1-14) and her albumin being 1.1 (normal being at least 3.5). Basically her kidneys were not working properly, to say the least, and her entire body was filling with fluid. The cause is unknown, but likely stemmed from some type of virus. He was 98% certain she had the type of nephrotic syndrome that can be treated and cured. The regimen would include a minimal of 6 weeks of high dose steroids twice daily and antibiotics once daily. Since steroids tend to wipe out immunity, she needed the antibiotics for extra protection. The doctor made it very clear that a fever at any point in the process would need immediate attention and give her a spendy admit ticket to the hospital. We pulled her out of swimming and tried to keep her away from crowded places those first few weeks to give her extra protection.
The true test would come the week after the steroids were started. If her labs showed improvement, we would know that the nephrotic syndrome is the type the the doc was 98% sure that she had and if not, it would mean she would need a kidney biopsy and a change in treatment plans. With lots of prayers, we hoped for the best. I had to work the night before her appointment that would determine her fate, but no matter how tired, I was not missing that appointment. First sign of improvement was her 1 pound weight loss showing us that her kidneys were starting to work better. Then came the true answer. Her blood was drawn and we went home with a plastic baggy on her bottom to collect urine. I arrived home, exhausted, and checked to see if her results were ready to view in the computer. Since she hadn't peed and thus the specimen not sent at that moment, we wouldn't know her protein level and thus would see only the albumin. Her albumin was ready to view. With a groggy mind, I seen that her albumin went from 1.1 to 1.2, barely anything to cheer about. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep. I thought for sure that we would be scheduling a biopsy in the next week. After a few hours of sleep, I awoke to check for her protein lab value and had to do a double take to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Protein level= 45!!!! It was 657 less than one week prior and had dropped significantly! Hooray!!!
Her labs are now back to normal and last week we were able to finally decrease her dose of steroids and discontinue her antibiotics. She is much more irritable than normal and doesn't sleep well from the meds, but we are so grateful that these meds have essentially cleared her body of the nephrotic syndrome. Next week, she will see the Nephrologist and hopefully be discontinued from the the steroids shortly after that. Her cheeks are bigger than ever from the steroids and at a family reunion an older lady thought she was looking pretty "healthy" due to her increased weight appearance. I explained to her that she had chubby cheeks from steroids and she knew then, that healthy may have not been the right words ;) I know that this bump in the road is nothing compared to what other parents have endured and am so very grateful that we have the medicine available to treat our "baby."
Friday, June 8, 2012
Bringing Sexy Back
As an honest person, I will say that nothing in this world is perfect. Most of us realize this and learn from mistakes made in the past. I have had an up and down, total roller coaster ride marriage. From the people that I do open up to about this fact of my life, I have realized that no-one has a continuous "fairy tale" marriage. It is a lot of work and sometimes a lot of heartache. But, there is a reason that we choose to work at it, plain and simply, because of the rush we get when we go down the huge hill on the roller coaster. It's a blast and completely worth the up hill climb. But, if you lose hope on the way up, you may never be able to enjoy the excitement of the fall.
So, one thing that has been lacking is our romance & spice, something that we used to take pride in. For myself, I don't really realize how big of a deal the intimacy is until we actually have some. Then, you sit back and think, why don't we do that more often. "Life happens." You work full time, have bills to manage, and 3 kids to care for. But, why don't we care for our most personal relationships as well as we do the other people or things in our life. I am still trying to figure this out myself. I can come up with a lot of excuses, but in the end, those excuses are really not good reasons to neglect the need that really does help keep our relationship happy. It's like a plant. Without water, it will not live. How do we expect our relationship to survive without the care that it truly does need.
One big problem for me is the spark inside has dwindled. Some say the hormones shift after baby, some say it's cause life is exhausting, and others will say a booked schedule leaves no time. No doubt that some of these things do play a major part in contributing to the lack of intimacy, but I won't accept that as a final rationale for totally excluding this important connection we all need.
Finally, I have found the person that left me about 6 years ago, coincidentally the same time I got married. She does still exist deep down inside me! Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, that spark has finally ignited to a flame. I know, I know, there are people out there who refuse to read it for their own beliefs and that's ok, but, for me, this book has literally brought back the woman that I had lost. I have never read a romance/erotic book before, nor had I been interested in it, but couldn't get away from all the hype. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Once I started, I couldn't put the book down. My internal being was awoke and reminded of the times when keeping my flame lit didn't take adjusting of my busy schedule. I have read many self help books and took all the advice that was offered on bringing the spark back, but none of them were natural. It was as if I was doing a homework assignment rather than letting myself truly be in the moment. For me, the best intimacy needs no instructions. It just happens without too much thought. Books are not always meant to teach a lesson. Some are meant to be enjoyed. Sometimes you just want to stop over thinking things and let yourself get lost in. That is what this book does, but to another level. And, in the end you really do learn something valuable. You learn that you can still have the romance and excitement that you once had. To me, that means more than anything, especially when you are on the up hill climb of the roller coaster, just wanting so badly to glide down the hill.
So, one thing that has been lacking is our romance & spice, something that we used to take pride in. For myself, I don't really realize how big of a deal the intimacy is until we actually have some. Then, you sit back and think, why don't we do that more often. "Life happens." You work full time, have bills to manage, and 3 kids to care for. But, why don't we care for our most personal relationships as well as we do the other people or things in our life. I am still trying to figure this out myself. I can come up with a lot of excuses, but in the end, those excuses are really not good reasons to neglect the need that really does help keep our relationship happy. It's like a plant. Without water, it will not live. How do we expect our relationship to survive without the care that it truly does need.
One big problem for me is the spark inside has dwindled. Some say the hormones shift after baby, some say it's cause life is exhausting, and others will say a booked schedule leaves no time. No doubt that some of these things do play a major part in contributing to the lack of intimacy, but I won't accept that as a final rationale for totally excluding this important connection we all need.
Finally, I have found the person that left me about 6 years ago, coincidentally the same time I got married. She does still exist deep down inside me! Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, that spark has finally ignited to a flame. I know, I know, there are people out there who refuse to read it for their own beliefs and that's ok, but, for me, this book has literally brought back the woman that I had lost. I have never read a romance/erotic book before, nor had I been interested in it, but couldn't get away from all the hype. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Once I started, I couldn't put the book down. My internal being was awoke and reminded of the times when keeping my flame lit didn't take adjusting of my busy schedule. I have read many self help books and took all the advice that was offered on bringing the spark back, but none of them were natural. It was as if I was doing a homework assignment rather than letting myself truly be in the moment. For me, the best intimacy needs no instructions. It just happens without too much thought. Books are not always meant to teach a lesson. Some are meant to be enjoyed. Sometimes you just want to stop over thinking things and let yourself get lost in. That is what this book does, but to another level. And, in the end you really do learn something valuable. You learn that you can still have the romance and excitement that you once had. To me, that means more than anything, especially when you are on the up hill climb of the roller coaster, just wanting so badly to glide down the hill.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Locks of Love
Two and a half years ago I received news that my Aunt Kelly was diagnosed with cervical cancer, stage 3 if I remember correctly. She is my step-mom, Patti's, only sister and they lost their mother at an early age to breast cancer. It's one of those moments in life when you aren't sure what to do. You feel helpless and want to make everything better. I was optimistic. My step-mom, however, must have put herself back to the time her mother battled and knew all to well the realities of this horrible disease.
Patti wants as much time with her as possible and tries to make the time fun. We've had a pajama party and put together a giant basket full of goodies for her, spent a day at the Holiday Inn water park, and went to Nickelodeon World.
From the moment we found out about the cancer, I knew I wanted to grow my hair out for Locks of Love. I've done it before so I knew it could be done again. As the time grew near to a desirable length, I started to think of ways that I could make it more of a tribute to Kelly. Her Birthday was Sunday, April 21st, and I was more than ready to cut my hair the couple weeks prior. I had the Thursday before her Birthday off and was able to get an appointment with my stylist. I talked to Kelly and found out she was free that day. Perfect! My plan could be set in place. I went over to Kelly's that morning and we were ready for the 10 inch pony cut. As part of her Birthday present, my plan was to have her cut the pony that would be donated. I would then go to my stylist to get a styled cut and color.
My sister, her son Tyler, my Lilah, and Brinlee all came for the fun! A while back, I was told that the size of a comb is 10 inches so I started using that as my guide, only to realize that the safest and best bet would be to get the handy tape measure that Kelly had readily available. Thank goodness we did, because the comb was close to 2 inches shorter than 10. Could you imagine cutting an 8 inch pony instead of the 10 needed for donation?!
As I said earlier, I was pumped and ready for this haircut. Kelly was excited too, but also nervous. She took her time and said, "Well there's no turning back now!"
When she cut through the last hairs, I could feel the weight lifted. It felt great! I still had a good amount of hair to work with, so it wasn't as drastic as some might expect.
It was one of the most fun things I have ever done! I couldn't stop smiling. My final cut and color turned out better that I anticipated and I got way more compliments than I did the last time I cut off 10 inches. Not to mention, who would think that hair could make such a big deal. Well, I'm sure if you would ask anyone who has went through chemo, they would tell you how big of a deal hair can be. But, in the end of course, it wasn't about the hair. It was really about doing something for someone in a unique and special way. Giving a gift to someone that can make a difference in more ways than one. It was about creating a memory that I will never ever forget.
Kelly is now battling with the cancer that has moved to her lungs and she has recently stated that the doctor's give her 12-18 months. She has decided that she wants to live without the side effects of chemo which would not prolong her life at this point anyways. What can you say? It is overwhelming to think. So, we do what we should and pray. We pray for comfort and peace through it all and of course, pray for a cure to end this never ending battle that disrupts too many lives.
Patti wants as much time with her as possible and tries to make the time fun. We've had a pajama party and put together a giant basket full of goodies for her, spent a day at the Holiday Inn water park, and went to Nickelodeon World.
From the moment we found out about the cancer, I knew I wanted to grow my hair out for Locks of Love. I've done it before so I knew it could be done again. As the time grew near to a desirable length, I started to think of ways that I could make it more of a tribute to Kelly. Her Birthday was Sunday, April 21st, and I was more than ready to cut my hair the couple weeks prior. I had the Thursday before her Birthday off and was able to get an appointment with my stylist. I talked to Kelly and found out she was free that day. Perfect! My plan could be set in place. I went over to Kelly's that morning and we were ready for the 10 inch pony cut. As part of her Birthday present, my plan was to have her cut the pony that would be donated. I would then go to my stylist to get a styled cut and color.
My sister, her son Tyler, my Lilah, and Brinlee all came for the fun! A while back, I was told that the size of a comb is 10 inches so I started using that as my guide, only to realize that the safest and best bet would be to get the handy tape measure that Kelly had readily available. Thank goodness we did, because the comb was close to 2 inches shorter than 10. Could you imagine cutting an 8 inch pony instead of the 10 needed for donation?!
As I said earlier, I was pumped and ready for this haircut. Kelly was excited too, but also nervous. She took her time and said, "Well there's no turning back now!"
When she cut through the last hairs, I could feel the weight lifted. It felt great! I still had a good amount of hair to work with, so it wasn't as drastic as some might expect.
It was one of the most fun things I have ever done! I couldn't stop smiling. My final cut and color turned out better that I anticipated and I got way more compliments than I did the last time I cut off 10 inches. Not to mention, who would think that hair could make such a big deal. Well, I'm sure if you would ask anyone who has went through chemo, they would tell you how big of a deal hair can be. But, in the end of course, it wasn't about the hair. It was really about doing something for someone in a unique and special way. Giving a gift to someone that can make a difference in more ways than one. It was about creating a memory that I will never ever forget.
Kelly is now battling with the cancer that has moved to her lungs and she has recently stated that the doctor's give her 12-18 months. She has decided that she wants to live without the side effects of chemo which would not prolong her life at this point anyways. What can you say? It is overwhelming to think. So, we do what we should and pray. We pray for comfort and peace through it all and of course, pray for a cure to end this never ending battle that disrupts too many lives.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
It's the Little "Things"
My kids seem to be changing just as fast as the seasons and I keep hearing this little voice in the back of my head telling me to write more, imprint, and hold tight to these moments.
Brinlee just turned 17 months and is rapidly changing. She's getting to my all time favorite little kids age. The age where everyday is something new and radically different. Her personality is shining and she's wearing her cool sun shades because I'm pretty sure she is impressive to herself! The girl is going to be trouble. Who am I kidding? She already is trouble. You can scold and yell until you're about to erupt and it doesn't faze her in the slightest. She likes to pull the DVDs from the rack and some she will study, but most get tossed over her head and onto the ground. I was being firm and direct when I told her to stop pulling them down and get picking the up, but she didn't even flinch or stop staring at the DVD cover. You would've sworn she was deaf. I finally had it and asked her if she wanted to go to time out and without looking up, she shook her head no. So she really does understand me! The little stinker! She's at that age where because she doesn't say much, you tend to wonder how much she really understands, but clearly she knows more than I give her credit for and plays the game well.
I get my exercise by chasing after her. She gets into everything! And I mean EVERYTHING! I am convinced that she has the disorder known as Pica most commonly seen in pregnancy. It's a disorder where people eat things that are considered inedible. No lie, she eats the tips off of markers and will chew up and swallow as many crayons as she can get away with. She literally poops out the rainbow sometimes!
She babbles a lot, but actual words are limited. She is still very stubborn about calling me mom and looks straight at me when I come home from work and says "Hi Dad!" The more I tell her to say mom, the more she calls me dad. She says bye, eyes, here, and welcome, but the rest of her communication is "jeh, jeh, buche" whatever that means.
She is following in her sisters footsteps and when being scolded with the words "No" will drop to the ground, arch her back, and try with all her might to squeeze out tears after she makes sure you are watching. She of course makes sure to be on a soft surface and gets even more frustrated if she wants to throw down on concrete.
She is obsessed with toothbrushes and does not discriminate on which of the many in the bathroom drawer she uses. This is not such a bad thing since my step-mom is a Dental Hygienist, but I guess spreading all those mouth germs isn't very hygienic! And this may be a sign of her future as a Dental Hygienist. Ok that's a bit far fetched, but it sounds like a good plan right?
She enjoys using a fork, but also still loves her bedtime bottle. It's like she is Miss Independent and a big girl for some things, but others will be diverted to her baby ways.
It's a toss up of who, between her or Mason, is more of a cuddler. She starts smacking her lips before reaching you which is absolutely adorable.
Just like the other 2, she loves music and can keep up her dance moves with them both. One of her favorites to dance to is Katy Perry's "E.T." song.
We will be starting her in swimming next Monday which I am excited about. I love having one on one time and this is a great opportunity for us since it's a parent-toddler class. She is shy, but willing to show off!
Lilah is finally potty trained with the exclusion of the night!!!!!!!! I am so proud! She really turned the corner on April Fools Day of all days. I'm not surprised that she would pick that day. Her personality wants to keep you on your toes and it seems as though the minute you really want to get excited about an advancement from her, she will put you back in your place and remind you that it's on her terms. Thus, I think she picks that day because she knew we wouldn't really believe that her days of diapers was coming to an end and she likes to surprise us. When we are surprised, I think we tend to be more genuine as to not exaggerate something that we anticipate. We didn't get too overjoyed at first, thinking the underwear days wouldn't last, but she proved us wrong, which I am so happy that she did! She is so funny and still occasionally tells me she has a surprise for me and then leans forward on the toilet to show and tell me my surprise is poop! Awesome!
Along with her growing up to a "big girl" she has also grown in inches. Dave and I are sure that this happened overnight!
Mason is still growing like the weeds on a rainy day. He is only 4 1/2 years old and over 46 inches. I guess I am waiting for him to average out like Dave and I. His clothes continue to have little wear and tear due to the fact that he outgrows them so fast.
He's still a major love bug and throws his entire body on you when giving hugs. He likes to wink, point, and click his tongue when he likes your idea. He often talks about things from "back in the day" or "when I was little."
He apologizing often making it hard to put him in time out when he really does need it.
He is obsessed with video games which he doesn't get to play often, but he will talk like they are the only think he eats and breathes. He wants every single toy on tv and it frustrates me because he has an overabundance of toys and doesn't play with them. I really am thinking that I need to simplify Birthday and Christmas gifts because I go overboard and they can't even focus because they are so overwhelmed. I am hoping that doing so will make him treasure and enjoy more toys.
I may have already mentioned it, but his teacher, who has taught for over 20 years, says he's the nicest kid. He is sensitive though which creates some drama filled moments. He hates going to bed. He is a night owl like his mother and prefers to push his bed time to the limits. He will cry and insist we let him sleep on the couch. After 20 minutes of "pushing" him to bed, he actually calmly lays down and we do our nighttime routine of reading a book, saying prayers, hugs and kisses, and our saying, which was passed on from my dad, "goodnight, love you, sleep good." It's amazing how even though he fights the structure of going to bed in his room, he still deep down relies on the structure in the end.
He will be starting swimming again this coming week. He's such a friendly kid that he gets distracted easily and chats with the other kids during the lessons, but I think that since he is now in preschool, the structure may have influenced his listening skills or at least I hope!
With work and family balance, life can be so exhausting. If the kids are being defiant, it can be hard not to throw in the towel and let them run wild. Scolding and yelling take less energy than getting out of my seat to put them in time out, right? Well, I have come to the conclusion that yelling really doesn't work for my kids. Don't think that stops me from yelling though! But, I realized that time out is the most effective way to really change the bad behavior. And, even though there are times that I can barely lift a finger cause I'm so tired, putting them in time out, in the long run, will help decrease the amount of time that is spent yelling over and over like a broken record. We all need time outs even as adults and so it only makes sense that it is most likely going to be the most effective and beneficial way to decrease the negative behavior.
I enjoy all of their talented, entertaining, and funny moments. It's hard to believe that there will be a time when our home will be quiet and empty. I pray that I am parenting to the best of my ability to make them the best that they can be.
Brinlee just turned 17 months and is rapidly changing. She's getting to my all time favorite little kids age. The age where everyday is something new and radically different. Her personality is shining and she's wearing her cool sun shades because I'm pretty sure she is impressive to herself! The girl is going to be trouble. Who am I kidding? She already is trouble. You can scold and yell until you're about to erupt and it doesn't faze her in the slightest. She likes to pull the DVDs from the rack and some she will study, but most get tossed over her head and onto the ground. I was being firm and direct when I told her to stop pulling them down and get picking the up, but she didn't even flinch or stop staring at the DVD cover. You would've sworn she was deaf. I finally had it and asked her if she wanted to go to time out and without looking up, she shook her head no. So she really does understand me! The little stinker! She's at that age where because she doesn't say much, you tend to wonder how much she really understands, but clearly she knows more than I give her credit for and plays the game well.
I get my exercise by chasing after her. She gets into everything! And I mean EVERYTHING! I am convinced that she has the disorder known as Pica most commonly seen in pregnancy. It's a disorder where people eat things that are considered inedible. No lie, she eats the tips off of markers and will chew up and swallow as many crayons as she can get away with. She literally poops out the rainbow sometimes!
She babbles a lot, but actual words are limited. She is still very stubborn about calling me mom and looks straight at me when I come home from work and says "Hi Dad!" The more I tell her to say mom, the more she calls me dad. She says bye, eyes, here, and welcome, but the rest of her communication is "jeh, jeh, buche" whatever that means.
She is following in her sisters footsteps and when being scolded with the words "No" will drop to the ground, arch her back, and try with all her might to squeeze out tears after she makes sure you are watching. She of course makes sure to be on a soft surface and gets even more frustrated if she wants to throw down on concrete.
She is obsessed with toothbrushes and does not discriminate on which of the many in the bathroom drawer she uses. This is not such a bad thing since my step-mom is a Dental Hygienist, but I guess spreading all those mouth germs isn't very hygienic! And this may be a sign of her future as a Dental Hygienist. Ok that's a bit far fetched, but it sounds like a good plan right?
She enjoys using a fork, but also still loves her bedtime bottle. It's like she is Miss Independent and a big girl for some things, but others will be diverted to her baby ways.
It's a toss up of who, between her or Mason, is more of a cuddler. She starts smacking her lips before reaching you which is absolutely adorable.
Just like the other 2, she loves music and can keep up her dance moves with them both. One of her favorites to dance to is Katy Perry's "E.T." song.
We will be starting her in swimming next Monday which I am excited about. I love having one on one time and this is a great opportunity for us since it's a parent-toddler class. She is shy, but willing to show off!
Lilah is finally potty trained with the exclusion of the night!!!!!!!! I am so proud! She really turned the corner on April Fools Day of all days. I'm not surprised that she would pick that day. Her personality wants to keep you on your toes and it seems as though the minute you really want to get excited about an advancement from her, she will put you back in your place and remind you that it's on her terms. Thus, I think she picks that day because she knew we wouldn't really believe that her days of diapers was coming to an end and she likes to surprise us. When we are surprised, I think we tend to be more genuine as to not exaggerate something that we anticipate. We didn't get too overjoyed at first, thinking the underwear days wouldn't last, but she proved us wrong, which I am so happy that she did! She is so funny and still occasionally tells me she has a surprise for me and then leans forward on the toilet to show and tell me my surprise is poop! Awesome!
Along with her growing up to a "big girl" she has also grown in inches. Dave and I are sure that this happened overnight!
Mason is still growing like the weeds on a rainy day. He is only 4 1/2 years old and over 46 inches. I guess I am waiting for him to average out like Dave and I. His clothes continue to have little wear and tear due to the fact that he outgrows them so fast.
He's still a major love bug and throws his entire body on you when giving hugs. He likes to wink, point, and click his tongue when he likes your idea. He often talks about things from "back in the day" or "when I was little."
He apologizing often making it hard to put him in time out when he really does need it.
He is obsessed with video games which he doesn't get to play often, but he will talk like they are the only think he eats and breathes. He wants every single toy on tv and it frustrates me because he has an overabundance of toys and doesn't play with them. I really am thinking that I need to simplify Birthday and Christmas gifts because I go overboard and they can't even focus because they are so overwhelmed. I am hoping that doing so will make him treasure and enjoy more toys.
I may have already mentioned it, but his teacher, who has taught for over 20 years, says he's the nicest kid. He is sensitive though which creates some drama filled moments. He hates going to bed. He is a night owl like his mother and prefers to push his bed time to the limits. He will cry and insist we let him sleep on the couch. After 20 minutes of "pushing" him to bed, he actually calmly lays down and we do our nighttime routine of reading a book, saying prayers, hugs and kisses, and our saying, which was passed on from my dad, "goodnight, love you, sleep good." It's amazing how even though he fights the structure of going to bed in his room, he still deep down relies on the structure in the end.
He will be starting swimming again this coming week. He's such a friendly kid that he gets distracted easily and chats with the other kids during the lessons, but I think that since he is now in preschool, the structure may have influenced his listening skills or at least I hope!
With work and family balance, life can be so exhausting. If the kids are being defiant, it can be hard not to throw in the towel and let them run wild. Scolding and yelling take less energy than getting out of my seat to put them in time out, right? Well, I have come to the conclusion that yelling really doesn't work for my kids. Don't think that stops me from yelling though! But, I realized that time out is the most effective way to really change the bad behavior. And, even though there are times that I can barely lift a finger cause I'm so tired, putting them in time out, in the long run, will help decrease the amount of time that is spent yelling over and over like a broken record. We all need time outs even as adults and so it only makes sense that it is most likely going to be the most effective and beneficial way to decrease the negative behavior.
I enjoy all of their talented, entertaining, and funny moments. It's hard to believe that there will be a time when our home will be quiet and empty. I pray that I am parenting to the best of my ability to make them the best that they can be.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Time-out
Time is such a precious thing. We all know it. There is never enough of it. We all know the saying, "if I could just go back in time." As for me, well I am no different. I just want more time to do the little things that add up to be really good memories. I think a lot of my problem with not having enough time is making a conscious decision or an effort into prioritizing the things that really matter to me. There are definitely moments that my time could be spent doing much more important things, but I am stuck in this subconscious routine of just doing whatever and at the end of the day I find that I am not satisfied.
I want more. I want more time. The thing is, I have to figure out how to make the best of the time I have. Isn't that what we are all wanting to do? Cherish the moment, seize the day. But as a fast paced society, little time is spent on being mindful and present of the moment. We just go, go, go. Never really absorbing what it is we are doing.
My kids and husband are top priority. We know just how fast time flys when we watch our kids grow. This is something that really puts time into perspective, next to death of course. Kids really make you stop and think about "where the time has gone" or "when in the world did you get so big!" I have major guilt over the lack of time we all have together. Sure, we cuddle, say endless "I love yous," read bedtime stories, say prayers, and praise every little positive moment, but when it comes to the quality and length of time, I need to step up. This is a time I can never get back and I need to make the most of it. It's the everyday routines or habits, if you will, that stop the quality moments from happening. Whether it be cleaning, answering my phone, checking my email, my facebook, there seems to always be something. I seem to have a never ending agenda of things that really come no where near my top priority. My kids absolutely love the moments when we play together. And you know what else? They actually are better behaved when there are more moments like this.
My husband too. He wants more "us" time. More alone time. But, like most every married couple, we take for granted the fact that there is always tomorrow. I have a co-worker who is one of the nicest people I know. Her husband was having pain in his legs and shortness of breath, so he went to the ER to get treated and within a matter of hours was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's in his 50's. Un-imaginable. One day life is going on as it always does and the next, you are faced with decisions and feelings that nobody should ever have to face. This couple is filled with love and faith throughout it all. It's those life changing stories that put a halt to my normalcy and really makes me evaluate what I need to change. It's the little sparks of love notes, a peck on the lips in passing, holding hands on a walk that turn into beautiful fireworks.
My friends and family are very dear to me. There is certainly not enough time spent with them. Even a couple hours out of my day to call or have coffee with can make such a difference. I wish there was an extra day in a week for friends and family time. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on or make me laugh until I cry! Yet, finding a time when our schedules aline seems near impossible.
Since these are my real valuables, I need to figure out how I can cherish them more. Delegating things to Dave, such as making phone calls and appointments will help. Taking some of the control out of every little detail that really don't need to be done by only me can make a difference. Keeping a calender up to date with activities, times, and locations will put my mind at ease and decrease my time spent searching for the paper that I wrote the important notes on. Cleaning 15 minutes a day so I don't spend an ENTIRE day and evening scrubbing the house. Dedicating a full hour to the kids of activities we can do together and writing it down the night before so I am held accountable for this time like I would for any other important activity that comes. Making sure that Dave and I schedule date nights at least once per month and dedicate daily quiet time with no tv, kids, phones, or any other distractions that may come up so that we can really be present in the moment and devote the time to each other so he knows that I value his presence and conversation.
It's really up to me to make sure that these moments are treasured. I need to be accountable and make a big effort to change the daily un-engaged "habits" which is essentially my life. As time goes on, these changes will hopefully be my normal and not something that I even think about because it will be the newer and happier me!
I want more. I want more time. The thing is, I have to figure out how to make the best of the time I have. Isn't that what we are all wanting to do? Cherish the moment, seize the day. But as a fast paced society, little time is spent on being mindful and present of the moment. We just go, go, go. Never really absorbing what it is we are doing.
My kids and husband are top priority. We know just how fast time flys when we watch our kids grow. This is something that really puts time into perspective, next to death of course. Kids really make you stop and think about "where the time has gone" or "when in the world did you get so big!" I have major guilt over the lack of time we all have together. Sure, we cuddle, say endless "I love yous," read bedtime stories, say prayers, and praise every little positive moment, but when it comes to the quality and length of time, I need to step up. This is a time I can never get back and I need to make the most of it. It's the everyday routines or habits, if you will, that stop the quality moments from happening. Whether it be cleaning, answering my phone, checking my email, my facebook, there seems to always be something. I seem to have a never ending agenda of things that really come no where near my top priority. My kids absolutely love the moments when we play together. And you know what else? They actually are better behaved when there are more moments like this.
My husband too. He wants more "us" time. More alone time. But, like most every married couple, we take for granted the fact that there is always tomorrow. I have a co-worker who is one of the nicest people I know. Her husband was having pain in his legs and shortness of breath, so he went to the ER to get treated and within a matter of hours was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's in his 50's. Un-imaginable. One day life is going on as it always does and the next, you are faced with decisions and feelings that nobody should ever have to face. This couple is filled with love and faith throughout it all. It's those life changing stories that put a halt to my normalcy and really makes me evaluate what I need to change. It's the little sparks of love notes, a peck on the lips in passing, holding hands on a walk that turn into beautiful fireworks.
My friends and family are very dear to me. There is certainly not enough time spent with them. Even a couple hours out of my day to call or have coffee with can make such a difference. I wish there was an extra day in a week for friends and family time. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on or make me laugh until I cry! Yet, finding a time when our schedules aline seems near impossible.
Since these are my real valuables, I need to figure out how I can cherish them more. Delegating things to Dave, such as making phone calls and appointments will help. Taking some of the control out of every little detail that really don't need to be done by only me can make a difference. Keeping a calender up to date with activities, times, and locations will put my mind at ease and decrease my time spent searching for the paper that I wrote the important notes on. Cleaning 15 minutes a day so I don't spend an ENTIRE day and evening scrubbing the house. Dedicating a full hour to the kids of activities we can do together and writing it down the night before so I am held accountable for this time like I would for any other important activity that comes. Making sure that Dave and I schedule date nights at least once per month and dedicate daily quiet time with no tv, kids, phones, or any other distractions that may come up so that we can really be present in the moment and devote the time to each other so he knows that I value his presence and conversation.
It's really up to me to make sure that these moments are treasured. I need to be accountable and make a big effort to change the daily un-engaged "habits" which is essentially my life. As time goes on, these changes will hopefully be my normal and not something that I even think about because it will be the newer and happier me!
Monday, March 12, 2012
Pins and Needles
As I have trialed many different options for the literal pain in my neck, I have found acupuncture to be a worth while therapeutic treatment. My first acupuncture treatment was at a chiropractor's office. I did not realize that there is a difference between acupuncture from someone who studied it for thousands of hours and someone who learned some pressure points at a weekend course. I just knew that the chiropractor was willing to do acupuncture on me prior to my adjustments. This was a time for me to relax. I would lie on a heated blanket with a few needles in my neck and rest. I always fell asleep and it was a time of peace and quiet for me. It was a little un-nerving to hear the chiropractor say that the needles were bending because they didn't want to go into my neck or that there were a couple that didn't want to come out of my neck, but to me anything that touches my neck feels good. I'm pretty indifferent when it comes to treatments to help ease my neck pain and thus am willing to try just about anything.
Upon switching my primary care doctor in desperation for answers and shedding enough tears to fill Lake Superior, he recommended a lady in Edina who does acupuncture. He had high praises for her since she had helped him and his wife with fertility issues. I was quite hesitant at first since Edina is 1 hour away and the chiropractor who does acupuncture is only 15 minutes away. I really thought acupuncture is acupuncture, right? I didn't quite understand the need to drive so many miles if someone close did what I thought was the same thing. I did however need to find a new person to perform my acupuncture because the chiropractor I was seeing had not given adequate documentation to my insurance company regarding my treatment, leaving me without any option, but to seek treatment elsewhere. Funny how someone who tells me that I have one of the worst necks she's ever treated in someone my age has no problem neglecting to provide the proper paperwork required for me to continue my treatment. Anyways, I was looking forward to seeing the doctor in Edina who's specialized in acupuncture and who was a professor who also taught this ancient healing treatment.
The drive to Edina was no doubt a long one. I was pleased to meet a sweet and caring lady who really showed concern regarding my issues. I found out quickly that this was not like the acupuncture I had experienced in the past. She looked at my tongue and checked my pulse, which is something that all people who specialize in acupuncture will do on the initial consultation. This was not done by the chiropractor. She looked at my tongue and gave me a wide eyed concerning look and then said, "Ohhh, ohhh!" I had no idea why the concern over my tongue. Her notes were written in Chinese, but at least she was writing notes! She put in at least 20 needles throughout my neck, 4 times the amount the chiropractor used, and then a couple in my ankles and wrists. She placed a heat lamp on my neck, dimmed the lights, and soothing music played in the background. I quickly shut my mind off. I wasn't driving 60 minutes to not take full advantage of this situation. I fell asleep shortly after she left and an hour later she came to wake me. When I stood up, I felt weightless, as if the tension had been completely removed from my neck, shoulders, and head. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I should drive! This was better than a massage and better than the so-called acupuncture I had in the past. I found that my headaches decreased. The tension and pain came back not too long after my treatment, but at least I now have something that helps to decrease it when it becomes unbearable.
After doing research, I found a lady in Rogers who specializes in acupuncture and am now getting treatment at her office. I wanted to go to someone closer so that I could make the visits more often. Coincidentally, she was taught by the wonderful doctor in Edina! After she looked at my tongue, I asked her what she saw. She said that a tongue like mine, which has so many cracks, is usually seen in someone who is aged or older. She also says it can mean high anxiety, which makes sense.
Acupuncture is amazing! It somehow relaxes my muscles and recharges the signals in my body. I wish I could have acupuncture done everyday. Its truly a great alternative and I highly recommend it!
Upon switching my primary care doctor in desperation for answers and shedding enough tears to fill Lake Superior, he recommended a lady in Edina who does acupuncture. He had high praises for her since she had helped him and his wife with fertility issues. I was quite hesitant at first since Edina is 1 hour away and the chiropractor who does acupuncture is only 15 minutes away. I really thought acupuncture is acupuncture, right? I didn't quite understand the need to drive so many miles if someone close did what I thought was the same thing. I did however need to find a new person to perform my acupuncture because the chiropractor I was seeing had not given adequate documentation to my insurance company regarding my treatment, leaving me without any option, but to seek treatment elsewhere. Funny how someone who tells me that I have one of the worst necks she's ever treated in someone my age has no problem neglecting to provide the proper paperwork required for me to continue my treatment. Anyways, I was looking forward to seeing the doctor in Edina who's specialized in acupuncture and who was a professor who also taught this ancient healing treatment.
The drive to Edina was no doubt a long one. I was pleased to meet a sweet and caring lady who really showed concern regarding my issues. I found out quickly that this was not like the acupuncture I had experienced in the past. She looked at my tongue and checked my pulse, which is something that all people who specialize in acupuncture will do on the initial consultation. This was not done by the chiropractor. She looked at my tongue and gave me a wide eyed concerning look and then said, "Ohhh, ohhh!" I had no idea why the concern over my tongue. Her notes were written in Chinese, but at least she was writing notes! She put in at least 20 needles throughout my neck, 4 times the amount the chiropractor used, and then a couple in my ankles and wrists. She placed a heat lamp on my neck, dimmed the lights, and soothing music played in the background. I quickly shut my mind off. I wasn't driving 60 minutes to not take full advantage of this situation. I fell asleep shortly after she left and an hour later she came to wake me. When I stood up, I felt weightless, as if the tension had been completely removed from my neck, shoulders, and head. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I should drive! This was better than a massage and better than the so-called acupuncture I had in the past. I found that my headaches decreased. The tension and pain came back not too long after my treatment, but at least I now have something that helps to decrease it when it becomes unbearable.
After doing research, I found a lady in Rogers who specializes in acupuncture and am now getting treatment at her office. I wanted to go to someone closer so that I could make the visits more often. Coincidentally, she was taught by the wonderful doctor in Edina! After she looked at my tongue, I asked her what she saw. She said that a tongue like mine, which has so many cracks, is usually seen in someone who is aged or older. She also says it can mean high anxiety, which makes sense.
Acupuncture is amazing! It somehow relaxes my muscles and recharges the signals in my body. I wish I could have acupuncture done everyday. Its truly a great alternative and I highly recommend it!
Monday, February 27, 2012
Developing Self
I often think back to my life growing up and think about how lucky I am to be where I am now. Don't get me wrong, there are people who had a much rougher childhood, but when I think of the many obstacles I faced, it makes me grateful that I made choices that have brought much happiness my way. I am however, aware that at anytime this could all change and that makes me even more thankful of today. I mean, it happens all the time and more so, it seems, the older we get. More people die, awful diseases strike those dear to us, and tragedies can come out of nowhere. That is why when thinking of the days that we call "bad days" I try to remind myself that things could certainly be worse which helps put things in perspective.
Growing up, my parents separated when I was around 4-5 yo and by age 6 were divorced. I have one memory of them together, the rest is separate memories with each of them. I always say that because I was so little, their divorce didn't really impact me because my memories of them together were scant to say the least. I imagine that had I been old enough or remembered them being together and loving each other, I likely would have had a more difficult time with it. In talking to my mom, she says the years prior to their separation were brutal and downright depressing. Now looking at my kids, I see how much their environment impacts their behavior. I suppose that even if my memory of that time isn't vivid, I likely was significantly shaped by it. Understanding how this shift in my young life changed me is hard to know because I have no recollection of their bad times. I'm glad that they made the decision to divorce when they did. I don't know of one person who likes to watch someone close to them argue or fight and having to prolong something that was inevitable would surely have molded who I became differently.
Custody between them was pretty much split evenly, especially as my sister and I grew older. My dad has always been a very caring and kind dad and really taught us about morals and God. My mom was sweet and open minded and taught us to be kind to everyone, especially kids who didn't have any friends. There wasn't a lot of structure in either home. Dad's place was packed full of auction & garage sale items. We watched the few channels that came in on a black & white tv. He let us stay up later than we should've and always read us a book before bed and said a bedtime prayer. Mom worked a lot and thus was exhausted when coming home with little energy to enforce rules. She trusted us too which was a big part of why rules weren't a huge thing. Neither home had much money. As a matter of fact, many times we were lucky to have milk or bread. Whatever money mom had, went straight to bills and constantly fixing her beater car. She always tried to get us new shoes and a few outfits before school started. Besides that, we didn't get much extras and even school sports were something that would have to wait until I was older and had my own job. It didn't bother me though. I hoped that I'd get hand-me-downs so I could increase my small wardrobe because to me, it was as good as a new outfit. Most of my worries were about making sure my sister and brother were happy. I remember when my brother's hair would get so long, it would almost cover his ears. I would take our cheap scissors and give him a haircut, only to get stopped before finishing because I always seemed to nick him! Still makes me chuckle thinking about it!
I had a step dad who was mostly in prison or jail and when out, he would sneak into my mom's purse and take her money or car keys right in front of my sister and I. He's done so many things to my mom and us that were selfish and wrong. I would hide my money because he would be sure to take it if not. I could write a book about those things that were never ending, but he really isn't worth talking about. Lets just say I learned what a scam artist was at an early age.
I've always looked at the situations that I've been in or seen as an opportunity to grow and learn from. From an early age, my gut strongly told me what was right and what was wrong. You have to take the moments in life that don't go as planned and stay true to yourself and your values. Do not let what happened to you, define you. I learned as I was growing up, that there are things that I don't want to do when I get older. Because of some of the things I dealt with, I grew up to be more empathetic to people who struggle daily with the choices that they are faced with. Life does not always goes as we expect. In those times, how we deal with it is more important than the situation itself.
Growing up, my parents separated when I was around 4-5 yo and by age 6 were divorced. I have one memory of them together, the rest is separate memories with each of them. I always say that because I was so little, their divorce didn't really impact me because my memories of them together were scant to say the least. I imagine that had I been old enough or remembered them being together and loving each other, I likely would have had a more difficult time with it. In talking to my mom, she says the years prior to their separation were brutal and downright depressing. Now looking at my kids, I see how much their environment impacts their behavior. I suppose that even if my memory of that time isn't vivid, I likely was significantly shaped by it. Understanding how this shift in my young life changed me is hard to know because I have no recollection of their bad times. I'm glad that they made the decision to divorce when they did. I don't know of one person who likes to watch someone close to them argue or fight and having to prolong something that was inevitable would surely have molded who I became differently.
Custody between them was pretty much split evenly, especially as my sister and I grew older. My dad has always been a very caring and kind dad and really taught us about morals and God. My mom was sweet and open minded and taught us to be kind to everyone, especially kids who didn't have any friends. There wasn't a lot of structure in either home. Dad's place was packed full of auction & garage sale items. We watched the few channels that came in on a black & white tv. He let us stay up later than we should've and always read us a book before bed and said a bedtime prayer. Mom worked a lot and thus was exhausted when coming home with little energy to enforce rules. She trusted us too which was a big part of why rules weren't a huge thing. Neither home had much money. As a matter of fact, many times we were lucky to have milk or bread. Whatever money mom had, went straight to bills and constantly fixing her beater car. She always tried to get us new shoes and a few outfits before school started. Besides that, we didn't get much extras and even school sports were something that would have to wait until I was older and had my own job. It didn't bother me though. I hoped that I'd get hand-me-downs so I could increase my small wardrobe because to me, it was as good as a new outfit. Most of my worries were about making sure my sister and brother were happy. I remember when my brother's hair would get so long, it would almost cover his ears. I would take our cheap scissors and give him a haircut, only to get stopped before finishing because I always seemed to nick him! Still makes me chuckle thinking about it!
I had a step dad who was mostly in prison or jail and when out, he would sneak into my mom's purse and take her money or car keys right in front of my sister and I. He's done so many things to my mom and us that were selfish and wrong. I would hide my money because he would be sure to take it if not. I could write a book about those things that were never ending, but he really isn't worth talking about. Lets just say I learned what a scam artist was at an early age.
I've always looked at the situations that I've been in or seen as an opportunity to grow and learn from. From an early age, my gut strongly told me what was right and what was wrong. You have to take the moments in life that don't go as planned and stay true to yourself and your values. Do not let what happened to you, define you. I learned as I was growing up, that there are things that I don't want to do when I get older. Because of some of the things I dealt with, I grew up to be more empathetic to people who struggle daily with the choices that they are faced with. Life does not always goes as we expect. In those times, how we deal with it is more important than the situation itself.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Tomorrow's Another Day
Stressed is a mild word for what life has been like lately. I've been through worse, but really it has been a couple weeks of little sleep and a mind that doesn't turn off. It's those everyday stresses that are bound to happen, but you just don't expect them to all come at once. Although I guess that's where the saying "when it rains, it pours" came about.
It all started about 4 weeks ago, when my son started the week with a fever and complained of a sore throat. Since his tonsil and adenoid surgery was just a little over a week away, I figured we'd better bring him in sooner than later to make sure he was well for his surgery. Funny thing is, he was scheduled to have this surgery in November, but 2 days before, he developed his first case of strep and was still not up to par to push surgery on an already run down body. So, when I brought him in this time, I was a bit surprised when they said he had strep once again. Was this a sign that maybe we shouldn't have the surgery? After all, hos need for surgery wasn't due to on-going infections like most who have their tonsils and adenoids out, but instead it was the excessive snoring and choking on his tongue that was concern enough to consult with ENT. Surprise, surprise, just like his sister, he also had quite enlarged glands, and thus it was recommended that they be taken out. Luckily this time he was diagnosed with strep, we had plenty of days to complete his antibiotics before surgery. Of course, when one has a sore throat, we all start developing phantom symptoms that make us wonder if we too had it. So, each of us were swabbed and luckily all came back negative.
Fast forward 2 days, and the luck was no longer on our side. My girls rapidly developed increased irritability, worsening colds, & runny noses and I was sure they both had ear infections at the very least. You would think as a mother, my husband would trust my gut on when to take the kids to the doctor, but no. Then, maybe, just maybe, the fact that I've been a nurse for 9 years would also give me some credit for my judgement and assessment, but nope, not one bit. I was not surprised when the first words out of his mouth when I told him I had made the girls a doctor appointment was, "Why? They just have colds." I made a bet with him that I would be bringing the girls home with at least one diagnosis of ear infection and if I was right, my winnings would be the oh so sweet words of "You were right." The next day I bundled the girls up and made my way back to the clinic for the 3rd time in 3 days secretly hoping I would lose that bet, but knowing deep down that I wouldn't. We made our way to the exam room and after a thorough history of the days that lead up to our visit, his otoscope showed the doctor what I anticipated...Lilah has double ear infection and Brinlee had one ear infected. After further evaluation and tests, Lilah also had bronchitis and Brinlee had RSV. Now, the only RSV I'm used to seeing is the little ones who are admitted to the hospital, so I was very relieved to know that I could treat her at home as long as she didn't progressively get worse. Whew! We made our way out of the clinic and I could barely wait to whip my phone out to call Dave with the update. They took their time recovering and just when they finally turned the corner, Mason was preparing for surgery.
Prior to the day, we tried to prepare him as best as we could for a 4 yo. We told him that we had to go to the doctor to get his throat fixed like Lilah, but obviously he didn't quite understand what that meant. He just kept worrying about whether he was getting a shot or not. I thought, a shot would be much better exchange than a constant sore throat and pain, but tried to be as optimistic as possible without lying to him. When the day arrived, Mason had preferred to sleep in a little longer than wake up to go to the hospital, after all he is my kid! After slowly getting ready (again, he is my kid), we headed to the hospital, where Mason was all smiles and thumbs up. He even does this thumbs up thing where he clicks his tongue and gives a big wink. Such a nice boy! Following surgery, his thumbs up turned to nods of yes or no since the pain prevented him from talking. We made it home shortly after and he had a fast and uneventful recovery.
As Valentines Day approached, we were past due and more than ready for a date night out. Reservations were made and my mouth watered with the thought of the buttery smooth fillet minion soon to be in my mouth. I was at work that day and checked in with Dave on my lunch break. Unfortunately, the call wouldn't be my last. Reservations needed to be canceled, as Lilah had been throwing up all day. I felt so bad for her. Nobody likes to throw up, but as a 3 yo it has to be worse. She was so good though. She remained pale and pretty much out of it, but right before she puked, she would pop up and say ever so matter of factly, "where's the bucket?" Little linen needed to be changed and by the following day, Lilah was feeling well again.
had envisioned to be devoted to only caring for Mason. But, life is not always easy. Challenges will be faced and it's in those moments that we have an opportunity to step up and do the right thing. I can say that I was very pleased to be united with my co-workers or as I like to call them, my "work family." They trusted us to come up with as best of a schedule as possible. It's times when the emotions are about to burst, that I take a deep breath and realize that this too shall past and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The light for me and my friend/co-worker who helped build the schedule will be an overdue spa day. Most of the time, it's us who are responsible for creating the light at the end of the tunnel.
It all started about 4 weeks ago, when my son started the week with a fever and complained of a sore throat. Since his tonsil and adenoid surgery was just a little over a week away, I figured we'd better bring him in sooner than later to make sure he was well for his surgery. Funny thing is, he was scheduled to have this surgery in November, but 2 days before, he developed his first case of strep and was still not up to par to push surgery on an already run down body. So, when I brought him in this time, I was a bit surprised when they said he had strep once again. Was this a sign that maybe we shouldn't have the surgery? After all, hos need for surgery wasn't due to on-going infections like most who have their tonsils and adenoids out, but instead it was the excessive snoring and choking on his tongue that was concern enough to consult with ENT. Surprise, surprise, just like his sister, he also had quite enlarged glands, and thus it was recommended that they be taken out. Luckily this time he was diagnosed with strep, we had plenty of days to complete his antibiotics before surgery. Of course, when one has a sore throat, we all start developing phantom symptoms that make us wonder if we too had it. So, each of us were swabbed and luckily all came back negative.
Fast forward 2 days, and the luck was no longer on our side. My girls rapidly developed increased irritability, worsening colds, & runny noses and I was sure they both had ear infections at the very least. You would think as a mother, my husband would trust my gut on when to take the kids to the doctor, but no. Then, maybe, just maybe, the fact that I've been a nurse for 9 years would also give me some credit for my judgement and assessment, but nope, not one bit. I was not surprised when the first words out of his mouth when I told him I had made the girls a doctor appointment was, "Why? They just have colds." I made a bet with him that I would be bringing the girls home with at least one diagnosis of ear infection and if I was right, my winnings would be the oh so sweet words of "You were right." The next day I bundled the girls up and made my way back to the clinic for the 3rd time in 3 days secretly hoping I would lose that bet, but knowing deep down that I wouldn't. We made our way to the exam room and after a thorough history of the days that lead up to our visit, his otoscope showed the doctor what I anticipated...Lilah has double ear infection and Brinlee had one ear infected. After further evaluation and tests, Lilah also had bronchitis and Brinlee had RSV. Now, the only RSV I'm used to seeing is the little ones who are admitted to the hospital, so I was very relieved to know that I could treat her at home as long as she didn't progressively get worse. Whew! We made our way out of the clinic and I could barely wait to whip my phone out to call Dave with the update. They took their time recovering and just when they finally turned the corner, Mason was preparing for surgery.
Prior to the day, we tried to prepare him as best as we could for a 4 yo. We told him that we had to go to the doctor to get his throat fixed like Lilah, but obviously he didn't quite understand what that meant. He just kept worrying about whether he was getting a shot or not. I thought, a shot would be much better exchange than a constant sore throat and pain, but tried to be as optimistic as possible without lying to him. When the day arrived, Mason had preferred to sleep in a little longer than wake up to go to the hospital, after all he is my kid! After slowly getting ready (again, he is my kid), we headed to the hospital, where Mason was all smiles and thumbs up. He even does this thumbs up thing where he clicks his tongue and gives a big wink. Such a nice boy! Following surgery, his thumbs up turned to nods of yes or no since the pain prevented him from talking. We made it home shortly after and he had a fast and uneventful recovery.
As Valentines Day approached, we were past due and more than ready for a date night out. Reservations were made and my mouth watered with the thought of the buttery smooth fillet minion soon to be in my mouth. I was at work that day and checked in with Dave on my lunch break. Unfortunately, the call wouldn't be my last. Reservations needed to be canceled, as Lilah had been throwing up all day. I felt so bad for her. Nobody likes to throw up, but as a 3 yo it has to be worse. She was so good though. She remained pale and pretty much out of it, but right before she puked, she would pop up and say ever so matter of factly, "where's the bucket?" Little linen needed to be changed and by the following day, Lilah was feeling well again.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
She Works Hard For The Money
Well, I am officially a slacker...in the blog world that is. I think about writing all the time, but cannot find the time or maybe the energy to tap my fingers against the keys. It's funny how much it keeps bugging my mind to update this thing, almost like the need to finish a research paper in college only I suppose this is different since I actually enjoy blogging. But, enough about wanting to write because here I am and who really wants to hear about my excuses. OK well my excuses are actually whats been happening in my life lately, so I guess if you read on, you will hear some "excuses."
Primarily I have been simply exhausted. Work has been busy. I know a huge part of my feeling dead after coming home from work is the fact that I really am passionate about what I do and thus put my all into my care for my patients. The huge downfall is my family sees this zombie like person who just wants a nap. It's a major struggle I have feeling very guilty that I don't have more of myself to give at home. I often wonder what life would have been like had I not made it through nursing school and let me tell you that not making it through was not a far fetched thought. Being terrified of every graded assignment that I was sure I would fail was an everyday fear I had. Honestly, without a doubt, I passed because the big guy upstairs really wanted me to become a nurse. I had no idea how else I made it through. People may think that's a crazy thing to say and probably think "yeah right, we never doubted she would make it" but the true reality was I didn't know jack crap about the medical field. I was one of the few people who went into the program without being a nursing assistant or a person who had been pushing their 5th year in college just waiting to be accepted to the program. Thank goodness the requirements to get into the program were different then or my life story would be quite different. There was even a day that I walked into the office of the lady who really pushed the program to accept me and told her maybe I needed to quit and come back in a couple years. I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself had I not pushed through and prayed that I would pass. Thankfully I passed and looking back I can chuckle at the times I had to look up words that were obviously familiar to the others in class such as flatus, foley, and bowel movement. Interesting how they are all related to the same general area too! It's been an amazing journey thus far meeting more people than most will in their lifetime and being enriched because of the people and experiences I come across.
Of course the downfall as I said earlier with my career is being tired all the time. Although, I did buy a super cool frappe maker which I totally feel was worth the $40. Dave wasn't so sure at first. I'm not sure what he was so worried about. Maybe he thought I was just buying it as a decoration for the counter? It makes absolutely delicious frappes. However my already always running late self rarely has time to put all the ingredients together before I have to bolt out of my front door to work. But I do have time before my night shift since I am generally not asleep hitting the snooze to sleep for 5 more minutes like I do in the morning. And working a night shift when your body screams for sleep means it's mandatory to drink some caffeine. I can only hope my body doesn't turn into one like the old wrinkly women who have to drink 10 cups of coffee just to feel the effects of what my 1 cup does for me. It's a great invention and even Dave likes to drink them, but who wouldn't want to, especially when my recipe calls for a scoop of ice cream!
I am grateful that all my head bobbing and eyelid dropping issues doesn't upset the kids or at least I don't think it does. They do want me to do more and so do I. I am hoping getting into a regular routine of yoga and meditation will build up my overall well being, including my energy. For Christmas, santa bought us a Wii and a ton of fun games which has also helped give me bursts of energy. I'm not gonna lie, I also like to kick Dave's butt. Crazy thing about the competition is that our Just Dance 3 almost always gives Dave the crown and yet he gets called lazy and I'm always wild or creative! He says it's a bunch of crap that he could win, but still be lazy! I think it's a hoot!
I really don't want to stop this post here, but the toothpicks just won't hold my eyes open anymore!
Primarily I have been simply exhausted. Work has been busy. I know a huge part of my feeling dead after coming home from work is the fact that I really am passionate about what I do and thus put my all into my care for my patients. The huge downfall is my family sees this zombie like person who just wants a nap. It's a major struggle I have feeling very guilty that I don't have more of myself to give at home. I often wonder what life would have been like had I not made it through nursing school and let me tell you that not making it through was not a far fetched thought. Being terrified of every graded assignment that I was sure I would fail was an everyday fear I had. Honestly, without a doubt, I passed because the big guy upstairs really wanted me to become a nurse. I had no idea how else I made it through. People may think that's a crazy thing to say and probably think "yeah right, we never doubted she would make it" but the true reality was I didn't know jack crap about the medical field. I was one of the few people who went into the program without being a nursing assistant or a person who had been pushing their 5th year in college just waiting to be accepted to the program. Thank goodness the requirements to get into the program were different then or my life story would be quite different. There was even a day that I walked into the office of the lady who really pushed the program to accept me and told her maybe I needed to quit and come back in a couple years. I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself had I not pushed through and prayed that I would pass. Thankfully I passed and looking back I can chuckle at the times I had to look up words that were obviously familiar to the others in class such as flatus, foley, and bowel movement. Interesting how they are all related to the same general area too! It's been an amazing journey thus far meeting more people than most will in their lifetime and being enriched because of the people and experiences I come across.
Of course the downfall as I said earlier with my career is being tired all the time. Although, I did buy a super cool frappe maker which I totally feel was worth the $40. Dave wasn't so sure at first. I'm not sure what he was so worried about. Maybe he thought I was just buying it as a decoration for the counter? It makes absolutely delicious frappes. However my already always running late self rarely has time to put all the ingredients together before I have to bolt out of my front door to work. But I do have time before my night shift since I am generally not asleep hitting the snooze to sleep for 5 more minutes like I do in the morning. And working a night shift when your body screams for sleep means it's mandatory to drink some caffeine. I can only hope my body doesn't turn into one like the old wrinkly women who have to drink 10 cups of coffee just to feel the effects of what my 1 cup does for me. It's a great invention and even Dave likes to drink them, but who wouldn't want to, especially when my recipe calls for a scoop of ice cream!
I am grateful that all my head bobbing and eyelid dropping issues doesn't upset the kids or at least I don't think it does. They do want me to do more and so do I. I am hoping getting into a regular routine of yoga and meditation will build up my overall well being, including my energy. For Christmas, santa bought us a Wii and a ton of fun games which has also helped give me bursts of energy. I'm not gonna lie, I also like to kick Dave's butt. Crazy thing about the competition is that our Just Dance 3 almost always gives Dave the crown and yet he gets called lazy and I'm always wild or creative! He says it's a bunch of crap that he could win, but still be lazy! I think it's a hoot!
I really don't want to stop this post here, but the toothpicks just won't hold my eyes open anymore!
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