Growing Entertainment

Entertainment in my life comes in the form of 3 little ones who seem to never stop surprising me. Whether it be their words or actions, I just cannot help but smile and many times laugh. I usually update some of their cute little moments on facebook, but really wanted to take the time and update here while also just talking a little bit about where they are at right now.

     Mason is getting ready to start preschool. He could not be any more excited. He plans on taking the River Rider bus which is a transportation company that gives rides to many people throughout the community, including hundreds of preschoolers. I'm not gonna lie, I haven't thought much about it because I know I will be a nervous wreck. Heck, writing about it now is bringing on feelings of fear! Unfortunately I couldn't make it to his preschool open house as Lilah fell fast asleep 2 hours prior to her normal bed time and I was simply exhausted after my beloved grandma's funeral. Dave ended up taking him and said things went well. Of course, Mason enjoyed exploring the "new" toys there. I worry about him not being able to focus and to be easily distracted and distracting to other kids. He has a hard time keeping focus at home and will talk to anyone about anything. My hope is that it will help him to stay on track and show us what we can help him work on to prepare for kindergarden in a couple years. The teachers thought Mason was in the wrong class because he is so tall. I'm telling you, our kids all picked up some pretty strong recessive genes!
  They encouraged us to work with Mason on cutting coupons as they discovered he could use more practice in this area. The other day, Dave got out the scissors and some left over ads and put Mason to work. Later that evening, Mason had told me that he practiced cutting coupons. I figured since he was bringing it up that he must've been excited and I assumed it went well for him. However when I asked how it went, he answered "Not good. I'm gonna have to do more cutting when I go to school." I told Dave what Mason had said and Dave said that Mason had a hard time because when Lilah saw Mason cutting, she insisted on also practicing and threw a fit about wanting his scissors and not the other ones that we had. Poor kid!
     He knows how to spell his name and does an ok job writing it too.
     Mason is still such a love bug. He is constantly coming up to me to give me hugs and kisses and tells me that he loves me. His kisses crack me up! He sticks his lips out as far as they will go and they look just like a duck bills! This is one thing I am no doubt going to miss someday. Sure he may still give me hugs and kisses, but there is not way that they will be as often, nor will his lips be puckered so cute.
     He talks endlessly about video games. Rarely do him and Dave play video games, but you would not know that if you talked to Mason. He wants to play 24/7 and I suppose talking about it keeps the idea alive!
     He recently turned 4 yo and had his well child visit. His doctor talks highly of Mason and has said more than once that he is one of his favorite patients. While sitting on the exam table during his appointment, the doctor told Mason how cool he was and then the doc made a fist and told Mason to give him some skin. With determination in his eyes, Mason just sat there. The doc said again, "Give me some skin." I thought, "what in the world? Why is Mason not doing it?" After more consentration, I hear a loud fart come out right out of him. The doc took a few steps back and the 2 of them busted out laughing. I could not believe it! I was so embarassed. The doc looked at Mason and said "That was awesome! Now give me some skin!" Oh boy.....!
     He really enjoys fishing with Dave. His stories are true fisherman tales. Whenever people ask him how big the fish was that he caught, the length from hand to hand widens as he talks! He talks about the stink worms and how much the fish likes them. It's so much fun to hear him talk about it. I have some great memories of fishing with my dad and hope Mason has many more.
     He's got dance moves that I've never seen before and isn't afraid to show them. He also loves to sing many songs beyond his time. Staying home with dad who plays his favorite music throughout the day will do that. Funny story is that one of the first songs he learned to sing was "Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain" by Willie Nelson. Well, one day while my dad was watching him at his house, they went to a garage sale and my dad bought that Willie Nelson CD and gave it to Mason. The whole way home from his house, we listened to that song over and over!
     He likes to use words like "cool" and "awesome." Sometimes I wonder if he is really only 4.

Little Miss Lilah is my little mama. Dave keeps saying that he's sure she will have like 12 kids when she gets older. She is constantly paying attention to Brinlee and always handing her a nuk or a toy or a blanket. When Brinlee wakes up in the morning, we will find toys in her crib that Lilah has tossed over for her. She has done this since Brinlee slept in a bassinet. While sitting next to Brinlee a while ago, Brinlee let out a sneeze. Lilah placed her hand on Brinlee's back and said in a soft, sweet voice, "Bless you Binlee, but next time you need to cover your mouth like this" and then gives a demo. Lilah has scolded Brinlee if she sees Brinlee throw a toy or snack off of her highchair tray she will say, "No Brinlee. I don't think so. That's naughty." She has fed her baby food if we set the bowl on the table near Brinlee and walk away for a brief moment. She is very attentive to her and never shown any signs of jealousy. It's a fun relationship to watch and I often wonder what it will become.
     She is so into babies that if we are out and about she will go right up to a stroller to oodle over the baby that she doesn't know. Normally she is shy to new people, but a baby will always get her attention.
     Her love of her dollies is just as sweet. She will swaddle them and hold them against her chest while trying to "burp" them. She places them in Brinlee's swing, highchair, or walker. She's even shown Mason's action figures motherly love by laying a cloth on top of them as a blanket.
     She LOVES to color and is great at it! She is creative and likes to learn. One day I heard her count up to 17. Like most kids, she is a sponge. Her memory is amazing. She retains so much. I think it has a lot to do with her love of books since an early age.
    She is stubborn and still throws the biggest tantrums around. Her scream could shattered glass. She can go from happy to mad in seconds and the only thing that cools her off is a time out. When she's mad, she needs time alone because she is in no mood for talking or hugs or whatever else you think could settle someone down.
    Her stubborness has held her back from being potty trained. She is in control and the ball is in her court. She will go pee on the potty chair with a little convincing, but it really seems to be on her terms. I have a feeling we are getting close to her being trained, but should "knock on wood" cause you just never can know for sure.
     She is 2 1/2 years old, but if you observed her for a day, you would think I was lying. She talks so well and knows so much that I often wonder where she learns it all.
     She will be getting her tonsils and adenoids out on Sept 9th. She snores so loud that sometimes it sounds like she is choking. She will have it done at Childrens and stay the night since she is under 3 yo. I am very nervous and pray that it will go smoothly and she will have a quick recovery. Ironically, her cousin will also be at Children's at the same time having heart surgery. Mason will also have a T&A in the next 2-3 months as he also snores and arches his head back so far back to breathe at night. These 2 older ones sure like to copy eachother, from severe peanut allergy to bad eczema to staph infections. We are lucky though because this is nothing compared to what some people have to go through.

     Sweet baby Brinlee, she is my honey. 9 months old already and showing us that she wants to be heard around here too! She is much more vocal and almost yells at times although it's all babble. It's funny how even though you don't know the things they are trying to say, you can still understand their emotions.
    She started to crawl a little over a month ago. Mostly the army crawl, but it certainly works well. She can even go from lying on her belly to sitting on her butt!
    She has started to wave good bye and is also clapping. It melted my heart seeing her do that. Really made me realize just how much she is growing.
    She is munching on more snack type foods and drinks from her sippy cup.
    When she gets excited her little legs just go crazy kicking up and down as she giggles.

It is so bitter sweet watching them grow. They melt my heart so much and to think that this will all be a distant memory someday is almost too much to bear!

    

    

Drama-rama

     One thing I never wanted to write about on here was drama. I believe that drama creates a negative pit. A pit that is shallow and easy to slip into because it is so shallow. It stares back at you so readily wanting you to take a step.
     I always used to refer to myself as a dramatic person, you know the kind of person that got a little more emotional about things. The kind of person who let my feelings show without hesitation. But the more I see true "drama" I realize that the word dramatic wasn't the meaning I was really trying to get across.The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the word I should have used was passionate. And lets face it, passionate sounds sooo much better than dramatic. Sure I may over react at times with my emotions, but I'd like to think that I try to keep them mostly control. It may just be that I have a different way of showing emotions, a less reserved way. I am getting off track though. My reason for picking this topic is because sometimes life brings you drama. You see, I for some reason have been pulled into the ugly pit of drama. The type of drama that creates very devastating, frustrating, and maddening feelings. It's something that I truly try to avoid. I always thought that everyone tried to avoid such a type of drama, but the older I get, the more I realize that there are all kinds of people out there.     
      Its hard to believe that I have gotten pulled into this kindof crap. I bet you are wondering what in the world I am talking about. But, going into detail would only create more drama and that is certainly not what I want to do. I do want to say that in the end of all the harsh words shot my way, I was furious and wanted so badly to respond. I had my defenses up and was truly armed and ready to throw back at a battle I thought for sure I would win. Had it not been for my wonderful family and friends who let me vent over the next 2 hours, I just may have fired back in immense furry. Thankfully though, that time that I had venting, I was able to let that fire inside of me to dwindle. No it's not completely extinguished, but I am at peace with my decision to hold my ammunition and not fire. In my eyes I can look back at the situation and know that I didn't say things that I may regret. I am now better prepared for if these flames erupt again as I have had time to stop, reflect, and pray.
     I have found that the older I get, the easier it is for me to handle peoples' misconceptions directly rather than let the person continue to talk about me behind my back. My heart almost always pounds right out of my chest when I face these people head on, but the relief I feel afterwards is so very worth it. You know why? Because almost always there is clarity and peace instead of tension and confusion. And if there is not any clarity or peace, then maybe the relationship just isn't meant to be and that is ok too. After all, we cannot change anybody. We can only change how we react to them.

A pain in my check, I mean neck!

I cannot believe that August is already here. I feel as if I have not been outside as much as I wanted to thus far since summer began. I'd like to say it's the weather that has been my main deterrent, but despite the inconsistent summer weather, I have found myself more exhausted and less motivated. I think work is catching up to me, switching from days to nights and nights to days, also having a higher census at work means working more and taking care of patients who maybe don't follow the "normal" labor or postpartum course. I am extremely dedicated to my career and put my all into patient care and I suppose that takes a bit of a toll. The other problem I've been dealing with is my neck.  The never ending neck dilemma. It's an issue that I feel may never get better for the long term. Funny story though, well maybe it's funny...I did have botox injections done for a second time to see if paralyzing my neck muscles would take away the pain and I was left feeling like a bobble head or baby who needed to do tummy time to build muscle strength. No lie, if I didn't place my hand over my forehead when bending over to pick up something, I was sure that my neck would fall right off my shoulders! I also had some difficulty swallowing, which if you ask my husband, was already an issue. Whoa! I just re-read that last sentence and that is NOT what I meant! What I mean is I go into choking spells just about every day while eating and am pretty sure that when I am old I will die from aspiration. So back to what I was saying. The botox made it more difficult to swallow as it must have migrated to my throat muscles. No fun at all! And to top it all off, it did not help decrease my pain. Anyways, enough about my stupid neck. I think that these things have a great effect on my motivation. Oh and then you know what I'm left with? Guilt. Guilt that I barely have the energy to change out of my scrubs some days after work and so you can imagine how difficult it can be to find the strength to get 3 little kids ready for the outside. But, I know the solution! I need to get more sleep at night. I need to make it a priority to get back into listening to my relaxation CD and get back into a good sleep habit. Not easy when your body is flipping back and forth, but it's something that I need to focus on. How do you like that? I blog and go on and on and eventually come to a possible solution!

Something happened to me while at work the other day. Something that has NEVER happened to me before. Something that I am embarrassed to talk about. Why am I sharing it for all eyes to see and possibly judge? Because I am human and this is an opportunity to possibly relate with someone else. So, it was lunch time at work and I was orienting a new RN. I had brought pizza from home, but did not bring anything else. The cafeteria has these amazing fruit parfaits that I can't seem to get enough of and so I was going to go grab one as an addition to my lunch. The new RN that I was orienting was pulling out a couple dollars from her pocket and asked me to grab her a chocolate milk while I was down there. I told her to put her money away cause I would cover it. I walk the long path to the cafeteria and grabbed my parfait and her choc milk and head right up to the cash register, hand the lady my debit card, and pull my pen out of my pocket ready to sign the receipt. It was no more than $4 total. One major problem. Within seconds, she looks at me with a surprised look and says "It's declined." A million thoughts run through my mind as she asks me if I want her to run my card through again. I can feel the heat rush to my face and quickly say "No that's ok. I have another card that I will go get that I know will be good." Before any tears flow, I rapidly head toward the Birth Center and am trying to figure out why my debit card was declined. Never has this happened to me and I wondered, really did it have to happen at work where I will see them all again day after day and then wonder what they think? Because I have a plan with my bank where they can take from my savings to cover my checking if needed, I was luckily not charged any fees and transferred the money before I even made it back to the cafeteria. I hadn't been keeping close track to my account balance or statements even though I knew it was pretty tight at that time. I came to find out that Golds Gym had still not reimbursed me $60 for frequent fitness credit from 6 months ago. No doubt, my saddened tears turned to anger as I was preparing my 3rd discussion with Gold's Gym managers after work. That is another story in itself, which shows a side of me I didn't even know I had, but back to this story...I came back down with my credit card in hand and saw a now packed cafeteria with a line and think "Great, I can only hope this transaction goes quickly and smoothly without having to explain the situation to someone else." Before I can even get halfway through the cafeteria, I see my Human Resource Director holding a tray with lunch, a parfait, and a choc milk. She looks at me and says "I heard you were having trouble with your card so this is on me" as she hands over the parfait and choc milk. I wanted to cry right then and there. I was very grateful, while at the same time thoroughly embarrassed at what may be crossing her mind. I always think the worse though and deep down know that she didn't judge. It's moments like this that can be almost unbearable and yet also wake you up to be more aware of your spending and make changes to not let such a thing happen again. Fortunately I've always been able to keep some amount of money in at least one of my accounts and am grateful for that. Yes sometimes it may be really tight, but we are content and comfortable with what we have. This was an opportunity to see the caring of my co-worker and also to have that "been there" feeling for when in the future I may witness the same experience. Many times we need to have these experiences before we can actually grasp and fully understand and not judge.