Sweetheart

Brinlee's been drooling like a mad woman for the past month and chewing on everything in sight, but so did the other 2 kids at this age. So as she was sitting on my lap and we were exchanging big smiles, a white glare from her mouth caught my eye. I thought, "hmmm maybe one's trying to poke through" and swooped my finger across her bottom gum, only to feel the sharp edges of her first tooth! I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty excited and picked up the phone to share the news with Dave. I couldn't believe it! The other kids didn't get their first tooth until at least 6 months so this was unexpected. And, she is my baby. Things are not suppose to move faster. But, I guess this is just one of the many things that are out of my control. My happiness quickly turned to a tiny bit of sadness as I realized this was another step toward toddler hood.

I must add how much of a little love bug she is. She just loves to be nestled up face to face, cheek to cheek. And, if you have a space between your face and her's, she will en wrap her little hands around your cheeks to show her love. Her name means "sweetheart" and I think we picked right : )

My better half

I haven't wrote about the one person who has been by my side over the past 11, almost 12 years. Dave is my best friend. We met at our friend Angie's house in Champlin. I will never forget that night. I wasn't planning on going out. I had come home from working at Perkins and was ready for bed. As I was getting ready to put my pajamas on, my friend Angie, called me begging to come over. I said no, but was persuaded quickly. When I made it through her front door, I looked across the room and sitting at the kitchen table was this guy who was arm wrestling some other guy. We made eye contact and he had the biggest smile I had ever seen with dimples to go along with it. I smiled back and went on to the other room to chat it up with the people I knew. As the night went on, I wanted to know more about this guy with a great smile. I sat at the table next to him and we started talking about mudding. He didn't talk much. I asked most of the questions, but he didn't expand much on the answers. I managed to find out that he had a big family and had sheep. The night passed and by 5 am it was time to go home, but he (being a small town guy) didn't know how to get back home. So, I told him he could follow me and by the time we hit highway 241, he thought he'd be funny and pass me. I liked his confidence and I wanted to know more about him. He had this mysteriousness that intrigued me. I called my friend the next morning and had her give him my pager number (yep remember when pagers were big?!). I got an unusual page a couple days later while at work and figured it was him. I will never forget his mother on the other end of the line. She had this high pitched "DAVID!" yell. She yelled his name at least 3 times before Dave finally came to the phone. I really had some interesting ideas of who his mom was. Thankfully, she was no where near what images I had in mind! Our first official date was the 4th of July at Delano carnival/fireworks with a random date at the Rogers truck stop in-between. Who could have known what the future would hold???
I am sooo very thankful that we managed to work out. We have had our struggles and break ups, but through it all, we have found light at the end of the tunnel. I learned that relationships are hard work at times, but that is how relationships grow. If we can work out our differences, happiness will shine through. Thank God, we have been willing to work through troubled times. My cousin wrote in our wedding card, "Keep the ups and downs between the sheets." I love that! Although I don't always follow that rule, I think it's important because in the end it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.
Dave is an amazing husband. He is caring, loving, funny, smart, and selfless. He is a great partner. He cooks, cleans, and shares the work of the kids. I always say that I hope I don't die before him because I just don't know how I could function. He's truly my "better half." He really makes my life complete in so many ways. I am very lucky and very thankful for him.

There are no words

What an emotional day I have had. I am reminded more than ever how precious life is. I went to a conference on caring of the sorrow during pregnancy & infant loss and although the title would have you expect that tears would be shed, nothing can prepare you for the overwhelming feelings that are overcome while hearing the stories of loss. You cannot help but try and imagine what it would be like to go through such grief. I could never truly know what that pain must be like. The deep sadness I felt today must've been just a fraction of what the parents, grandparents, and siblings go through. My heart goes out to those who have had to deal with this pain. I came home and got choked up as I watched Brinlee peacefully sleep in her swing and watched Lilah and Mason running through the backyard giggling and playing. The word grateful is an understatement for what feelings I have to be able to watch them grow. I learned a lot today and hope to help pass on the messages that were given so that we may excell in our care for patients during this difficult time.
A quote from today's conference that really struck a nerve "When we lose a parent, we lose our past. When we lose a child, we lose our future"
May God bring peace to all of those who have suffered such loss and bring comfort in dark moments of mourning.

Kids say the darndest things!

Lilah LOVES books. I love reading to her too. I was reading her a book with animal sounds and really enunciated the farm animal sounds. We were having our little moment, she was giggling as I really gave my all with the "oink oink" and "quack quack" noises. As we were in the zone, I heard Mason from the background saying "That's too loud. That's too loud on my ears." Taking a brief moment to see what the fuss was about, I replied, "What's too loud?"  As he walked past me, he casually looks over and says, "Ummm, your mouth." Thanks Mase.....

My mom came over to watch the kids last evening as Dave and I went to April and Dan's wedding. Thank God we are so lucky to have parents so available and willing to help watch the kids so we can have one less thing to worry about while out and about. When we came home from the wedding, my mom reported that all went pretty well, minus the usual Mason and Lilah tiffs over toys. She said that Lilah came up to her and said "I need my diaper changed." She was going to change Lilah's diaper and before doing so, she told Lilah that she should go potty on the potty chair. Lilah looks at her and says, "Nooo." So, mom says, "Mason goes potty on the potty chair. He's a big boy, aren't you Mason." Mason says "Yep." Then mom says, "Don't you want to be a big girl?" Lilah says, "No." Mom says, "Why not?" Lilah says, "Because I want to be Lilah." She sure is stubborn and I'm not sure I can convince her that she can still be Lilah and be a big girl since this is the second time she's said this...

Mason was upset yesterday because he wanted 2 pillows that Lilah was laying on. The thing is, we have 5 of these exact same pillows, but he decided to make a battle and tried to take the ones she had. So, Dave told him to leave Lilah's pillows alone and tried to calm the situation by giving Mason other pillows. Mason was upset and started stomping and punching the pillows. Dave says, " Are you mad now?" While pouting, Mason says "No." Dave says, "Are you gonna hit the pillow?" Mason a little bit louder says "No." Dave says, "Are you gonna stomp your feet?" With frustration Mason replies, "No." Dave says, "Do you need a hug?" Mason as if defeated says "Yeah." Sometimes its as simple as that!

Dave had taken Mason on a dirt bike ride and the next day Mason says, "Hey dad, wanna go for a rip?"

Brinlee is only 2 days away from being 5 months old. I've decided to try and not rush her age by saying "almost 5 months." If she's 4 months and 28 days, then to me, she is still 4 months. She is getting stronger and actually strengthening her little legs by jumping up and down in her jumper. She is also able to sit up pretty good with some assistance. My favorite things that she's doing right now is her vocalization. She's trying to talk and I am using every opportunity to embed the words "mama" in her head. We shall see if she will be the first out of our 3 to say mama instead of dada first. She also loves kisses and will plant her voluptuous cheeks on our lips. She's such a sweetie! The smiles are coming more freely which is a nice bonus. Lovin her sweetness!

Mason and Lilah getting along

Brinlee caught in a smile!

Life on earth is short

I can't help but think of my own mortality or for that matter my husband's, my mother's, my father's, my kid's, my friend's, and really anyone close to my heart. It's something that seems to be on my mind the older I get. Of course as we get older, we are witness to more death and with age will also bring the deaths closer to home than I would like. Death is not something that many will talk about and understandably so. It brings up feelings of deep sadness and questions our faith. For some, death can mean peace and closure. I suppose it depends on who died and how they died, but mostly it can forever change who we are.
Why am I thinking about this and why did I decide to write about it? Well, as I said in the beginning of this post, it's been something that's been on my mind. Going to a wake and seeing first hand the grief, heartbreak, and new found emptiness tugged at my heart strings. It makes me wonder when my time will come or a worst thought, when the time of my loved ones will come. Will I die before them? I often hope that I will not have to grieve the loss of my dearest loved ones. Just the thought makes me anxious. I don't know how I could handle it. Not that I don't think they will be in a beautiful place after this life and truly home, but in my own selfishness, I don't know how I'd be able to carry on. So, I try not to think about that too much as it will only make me sad and no use being sad over something that could happen. But, I also think it's important to understand the grieving process.
I did a presentation on grief in high school and felt a true understanding on what all the stages of grief are. I feel it is very important to understand this because things we don't understand are things we cannot connect to. If we cannot connect to these important feelings, then we are no use in helping those who suffer their loss. I found through my studies that most people avoid talking about the person who passed in fear that they will upset the grieving heart. After all, what do you say? What if you say the wrong thing? Well, in actuality, people who are grieving are constantly thinking about their loved one that passed and find comfort in sharing their feelings or stories about the person. They want to know that you have not forgotten about them. Yes, this may cause some tears to be shed, but it's only natural and it's healthy to let these emotions flow. My heart weighs heavy on those who have suffered great loss and I pray that they will find comfort and peace in those dark moments of mourning. This life is short, but when struggling through loss, the days can drag on. This is why it is so important to treasure every moment and not sweat the small stuff.

A memory from someone dear to my heart: My Great-grandma Manthey was the sweetest lady. I remember her sitting at my grandparents' kitchen table with her soft pastel colored sweater draping over her shoulders. She had this dark wooden cane that my sister and I would take turns walking with. Another day she was sitting in the big corner chair in the living room and my sister and I were directly behind her combing her hair. While combing through the silver strands, one of us stops and says, "Grandma, don't you ever comb your hair?!" She never forgot that moment and continued to share that story with all she encountered for the years that came! Every time we hugged her, she would pat our hip and say, "Bless your little heart." I just loved her so!