I cannot believe that August is already here. I feel as if I have not been outside as much as I wanted to thus far since summer began. I'd like to say it's the weather that has been my main deterrent, but despite the inconsistent summer weather, I have found myself more exhausted and less motivated. I think work is catching up to me, switching from days to nights and nights to days, also having a higher census at work means working more and taking care of patients who maybe don't follow the "normal" labor or postpartum course. I am extremely dedicated to my career and put my all into patient care and I suppose that takes a bit of a toll. The other problem I've been dealing with is my neck. The never ending neck dilemma. It's an issue that I feel may never get better for the long term. Funny story though, well maybe it's funny...I did have botox injections done for a second time to see if paralyzing my neck muscles would take away the pain and I was left feeling like a bobble head or baby who needed to do tummy time to build muscle strength. No lie, if I didn't place my hand over my forehead when bending over to pick up something, I was sure that my neck would fall right off my shoulders! I also had some difficulty swallowing, which if you ask my husband, was already an issue. Whoa! I just re-read that last sentence and that is NOT what I meant! What I mean is I go into choking spells just about every day while eating and am pretty sure that when I am old I will die from aspiration. So back to what I was saying. The botox made it more difficult to swallow as it must have migrated to my throat muscles. No fun at all! And to top it all off, it did not help decrease my pain. Anyways, enough about my stupid neck. I think that these things have a great effect on my motivation. Oh and then you know what I'm left with? Guilt. Guilt that I barely have the energy to change out of my scrubs some days after work and so you can imagine how difficult it can be to find the strength to get 3 little kids ready for the outside. But, I know the solution! I need to get more sleep at night. I need to make it a priority to get back into listening to my relaxation CD and get back into a good sleep habit. Not easy when your body is flipping back and forth, but it's something that I need to focus on. How do you like that? I blog and go on and on and eventually come to a possible solution!
Something happened to me while at work the other day. Something that has NEVER happened to me before. Something that I am embarrassed to talk about. Why am I sharing it for all eyes to see and possibly judge? Because I am human and this is an opportunity to possibly relate with someone else. So, it was lunch time at work and I was orienting a new RN. I had brought pizza from home, but did not bring anything else. The cafeteria has these amazing fruit parfaits that I can't seem to get enough of and so I was going to go grab one as an addition to my lunch. The new RN that I was orienting was pulling out a couple dollars from her pocket and asked me to grab her a chocolate milk while I was down there. I told her to put her money away cause I would cover it. I walk the long path to the cafeteria and grabbed my parfait and her choc milk and head right up to the cash register, hand the lady my debit card, and pull my pen out of my pocket ready to sign the receipt. It was no more than $4 total. One major problem. Within seconds, she looks at me with a surprised look and says "It's declined." A million thoughts run through my mind as she asks me if I want her to run my card through again. I can feel the heat rush to my face and quickly say "No that's ok. I have another card that I will go get that I know will be good." Before any tears flow, I rapidly head toward the Birth Center and am trying to figure out why my debit card was declined. Never has this happened to me and I wondered, really did it have to happen at work where I will see them all again day after day and then wonder what they think? Because I have a plan with my bank where they can take from my savings to cover my checking if needed, I was luckily not charged any fees and transferred the money before I even made it back to the cafeteria. I hadn't been keeping close track to my account balance or statements even though I knew it was pretty tight at that time. I came to find out that Golds Gym had still not reimbursed me $60 for frequent fitness credit from 6 months ago. No doubt, my saddened tears turned to anger as I was preparing my 3rd discussion with Gold's Gym managers after work. That is another story in itself, which shows a side of me I didn't even know I had, but back to this story...I came back down with my credit card in hand and saw a now packed cafeteria with a line and think "Great, I can only hope this transaction goes quickly and smoothly without having to explain the situation to someone else." Before I can even get halfway through the cafeteria, I see my Human Resource Director holding a tray with lunch, a parfait, and a choc milk. She looks at me and says "I heard you were having trouble with your card so this is on me" as she hands over the parfait and choc milk. I wanted to cry right then and there. I was very grateful, while at the same time thoroughly embarrassed at what may be crossing her mind. I always think the worse though and deep down know that she didn't judge. It's moments like this that can be almost unbearable and yet also wake you up to be more aware of your spending and make changes to not let such a thing happen again. Fortunately I've always been able to keep some amount of money in at least one of my accounts and am grateful for that. Yes sometimes it may be really tight, but we are content and comfortable with what we have. This was an opportunity to see the caring of my co-worker and also to have that "been there" feeling for when in the future I may witness the same experience. Many times we need to have these experiences before we can actually grasp and fully understand and not judge.
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