I often think back to my life growing up and think about how lucky I am to be where I am now. Don't get me wrong, there are people who had a much rougher childhood, but when I think of the many obstacles I faced, it makes me grateful that I made choices that have brought much happiness my way. I am however, aware that at anytime this could all change and that makes me even more thankful of today. I mean, it happens all the time and more so, it seems, the older we get. More people die, awful diseases strike those dear to us, and tragedies can come out of nowhere. That is why when thinking of the days that we call "bad days" I try to remind myself that things could certainly be worse which helps put things in perspective.
Growing up, my parents separated when I was around 4-5 yo and by age 6 were divorced. I have one memory of them together, the rest is separate memories with each of them. I always say that because I was so little, their divorce didn't really impact me because my memories of them together were scant to say the least. I imagine that had I been old enough or remembered them being together and loving each other, I likely would have had a more difficult time with it. In talking to my mom, she says the years prior to their separation were brutal and downright depressing. Now looking at my kids, I see how much their environment impacts their behavior. I suppose that even if my memory of that time isn't vivid, I likely was significantly shaped by it. Understanding how this shift in my young life changed me is hard to know because I have no recollection of their bad times. I'm glad that they made the decision to divorce when they did. I don't know of one person who likes to watch someone close to them argue or fight and having to prolong something that was inevitable would surely have molded who I became differently.
Custody between them was pretty much split evenly, especially as my sister and I grew older. My dad has always been a very caring and kind dad and really taught us about morals and God. My mom was sweet and open minded and taught us to be kind to everyone, especially kids who didn't have any friends. There wasn't a lot of structure in either home. Dad's place was packed full of auction & garage sale items. We watched the few channels that came in on a black & white tv. He let us stay up later than we should've and always read us a book before bed and said a bedtime prayer. Mom worked a lot and thus was exhausted when coming home with little energy to enforce rules. She trusted us too which was a big part of why rules weren't a huge thing. Neither home had much money. As a matter of fact, many times we were lucky to have milk or bread. Whatever money mom had, went straight to bills and constantly fixing her beater car. She always tried to get us new shoes and a few outfits before school started. Besides that, we didn't get much extras and even school sports were something that would have to wait until I was older and had my own job. It didn't bother me though. I hoped that I'd get hand-me-downs so I could increase my small wardrobe because to me, it was as good as a new outfit. Most of my worries were about making sure my sister and brother were happy. I remember when my brother's hair would get so long, it would almost cover his ears. I would take our cheap scissors and give him a haircut, only to get stopped before finishing because I always seemed to nick him! Still makes me chuckle thinking about it!
I had a step dad who was mostly in prison or jail and when out, he would sneak into my mom's purse and take her money or car keys right in front of my sister and I. He's done so many things to my mom and us that were selfish and wrong. I would hide my money because he would be sure to take it if not. I could write a book about those things that were never ending, but he really isn't worth talking about. Lets just say I learned what a scam artist was at an early age.
I've always looked at the situations that I've been in or seen as an opportunity to grow and learn from. From an early age, my gut strongly told me what was right and what was wrong. You have to take the moments in life that don't go as planned and stay true to yourself and your values. Do not let what happened to you, define you. I learned as I was growing up, that there are things that I don't want to do when I get older. Because of some of the things I dealt with, I grew up to be more empathetic to people who struggle daily with the choices that they are faced with. Life does not always goes as we expect. In those times, how we deal with it is more important than the situation itself.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Tomorrow's Another Day
Stressed is a mild word for what life has been like lately. I've been through worse, but really it has been a couple weeks of little sleep and a mind that doesn't turn off. It's those everyday stresses that are bound to happen, but you just don't expect them to all come at once. Although I guess that's where the saying "when it rains, it pours" came about.
It all started about 4 weeks ago, when my son started the week with a fever and complained of a sore throat. Since his tonsil and adenoid surgery was just a little over a week away, I figured we'd better bring him in sooner than later to make sure he was well for his surgery. Funny thing is, he was scheduled to have this surgery in November, but 2 days before, he developed his first case of strep and was still not up to par to push surgery on an already run down body. So, when I brought him in this time, I was a bit surprised when they said he had strep once again. Was this a sign that maybe we shouldn't have the surgery? After all, hos need for surgery wasn't due to on-going infections like most who have their tonsils and adenoids out, but instead it was the excessive snoring and choking on his tongue that was concern enough to consult with ENT. Surprise, surprise, just like his sister, he also had quite enlarged glands, and thus it was recommended that they be taken out. Luckily this time he was diagnosed with strep, we had plenty of days to complete his antibiotics before surgery. Of course, when one has a sore throat, we all start developing phantom symptoms that make us wonder if we too had it. So, each of us were swabbed and luckily all came back negative.
Fast forward 2 days, and the luck was no longer on our side. My girls rapidly developed increased irritability, worsening colds, & runny noses and I was sure they both had ear infections at the very least. You would think as a mother, my husband would trust my gut on when to take the kids to the doctor, but no. Then, maybe, just maybe, the fact that I've been a nurse for 9 years would also give me some credit for my judgement and assessment, but nope, not one bit. I was not surprised when the first words out of his mouth when I told him I had made the girls a doctor appointment was, "Why? They just have colds." I made a bet with him that I would be bringing the girls home with at least one diagnosis of ear infection and if I was right, my winnings would be the oh so sweet words of "You were right." The next day I bundled the girls up and made my way back to the clinic for the 3rd time in 3 days secretly hoping I would lose that bet, but knowing deep down that I wouldn't. We made our way to the exam room and after a thorough history of the days that lead up to our visit, his otoscope showed the doctor what I anticipated...Lilah has double ear infection and Brinlee had one ear infected. After further evaluation and tests, Lilah also had bronchitis and Brinlee had RSV. Now, the only RSV I'm used to seeing is the little ones who are admitted to the hospital, so I was very relieved to know that I could treat her at home as long as she didn't progressively get worse. Whew! We made our way out of the clinic and I could barely wait to whip my phone out to call Dave with the update. They took their time recovering and just when they finally turned the corner, Mason was preparing for surgery.
Prior to the day, we tried to prepare him as best as we could for a 4 yo. We told him that we had to go to the doctor to get his throat fixed like Lilah, but obviously he didn't quite understand what that meant. He just kept worrying about whether he was getting a shot or not. I thought, a shot would be much better exchange than a constant sore throat and pain, but tried to be as optimistic as possible without lying to him. When the day arrived, Mason had preferred to sleep in a little longer than wake up to go to the hospital, after all he is my kid! After slowly getting ready (again, he is my kid), we headed to the hospital, where Mason was all smiles and thumbs up. He even does this thumbs up thing where he clicks his tongue and gives a big wink. Such a nice boy! Following surgery, his thumbs up turned to nods of yes or no since the pain prevented him from talking. We made it home shortly after and he had a fast and uneventful recovery.
As Valentines Day approached, we were past due and more than ready for a date night out. Reservations were made and my mouth watered with the thought of the buttery smooth fillet minion soon to be in my mouth. I was at work that day and checked in with Dave on my lunch break. Unfortunately, the call wouldn't be my last. Reservations needed to be canceled, as Lilah had been throwing up all day. I felt so bad for her. Nobody likes to throw up, but as a 3 yo it has to be worse. She was so good though. She remained pale and pretty much out of it, but right before she puked, she would pop up and say ever so matter of factly, "where's the bucket?" Little linen needed to be changed and by the following day, Lilah was feeling well again.
had envisioned to be devoted to only caring for Mason. But, life is not always easy. Challenges will be faced and it's in those moments that we have an opportunity to step up and do the right thing. I can say that I was very pleased to be united with my co-workers or as I like to call them, my "work family." They trusted us to come up with as best of a schedule as possible. It's times when the emotions are about to burst, that I take a deep breath and realize that this too shall past and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The light for me and my friend/co-worker who helped build the schedule will be an overdue spa day. Most of the time, it's us who are responsible for creating the light at the end of the tunnel.
It all started about 4 weeks ago, when my son started the week with a fever and complained of a sore throat. Since his tonsil and adenoid surgery was just a little over a week away, I figured we'd better bring him in sooner than later to make sure he was well for his surgery. Funny thing is, he was scheduled to have this surgery in November, but 2 days before, he developed his first case of strep and was still not up to par to push surgery on an already run down body. So, when I brought him in this time, I was a bit surprised when they said he had strep once again. Was this a sign that maybe we shouldn't have the surgery? After all, hos need for surgery wasn't due to on-going infections like most who have their tonsils and adenoids out, but instead it was the excessive snoring and choking on his tongue that was concern enough to consult with ENT. Surprise, surprise, just like his sister, he also had quite enlarged glands, and thus it was recommended that they be taken out. Luckily this time he was diagnosed with strep, we had plenty of days to complete his antibiotics before surgery. Of course, when one has a sore throat, we all start developing phantom symptoms that make us wonder if we too had it. So, each of us were swabbed and luckily all came back negative.
Fast forward 2 days, and the luck was no longer on our side. My girls rapidly developed increased irritability, worsening colds, & runny noses and I was sure they both had ear infections at the very least. You would think as a mother, my husband would trust my gut on when to take the kids to the doctor, but no. Then, maybe, just maybe, the fact that I've been a nurse for 9 years would also give me some credit for my judgement and assessment, but nope, not one bit. I was not surprised when the first words out of his mouth when I told him I had made the girls a doctor appointment was, "Why? They just have colds." I made a bet with him that I would be bringing the girls home with at least one diagnosis of ear infection and if I was right, my winnings would be the oh so sweet words of "You were right." The next day I bundled the girls up and made my way back to the clinic for the 3rd time in 3 days secretly hoping I would lose that bet, but knowing deep down that I wouldn't. We made our way to the exam room and after a thorough history of the days that lead up to our visit, his otoscope showed the doctor what I anticipated...Lilah has double ear infection and Brinlee had one ear infected. After further evaluation and tests, Lilah also had bronchitis and Brinlee had RSV. Now, the only RSV I'm used to seeing is the little ones who are admitted to the hospital, so I was very relieved to know that I could treat her at home as long as she didn't progressively get worse. Whew! We made our way out of the clinic and I could barely wait to whip my phone out to call Dave with the update. They took their time recovering and just when they finally turned the corner, Mason was preparing for surgery.
Prior to the day, we tried to prepare him as best as we could for a 4 yo. We told him that we had to go to the doctor to get his throat fixed like Lilah, but obviously he didn't quite understand what that meant. He just kept worrying about whether he was getting a shot or not. I thought, a shot would be much better exchange than a constant sore throat and pain, but tried to be as optimistic as possible without lying to him. When the day arrived, Mason had preferred to sleep in a little longer than wake up to go to the hospital, after all he is my kid! After slowly getting ready (again, he is my kid), we headed to the hospital, where Mason was all smiles and thumbs up. He even does this thumbs up thing where he clicks his tongue and gives a big wink. Such a nice boy! Following surgery, his thumbs up turned to nods of yes or no since the pain prevented him from talking. We made it home shortly after and he had a fast and uneventful recovery.
As Valentines Day approached, we were past due and more than ready for a date night out. Reservations were made and my mouth watered with the thought of the buttery smooth fillet minion soon to be in my mouth. I was at work that day and checked in with Dave on my lunch break. Unfortunately, the call wouldn't be my last. Reservations needed to be canceled, as Lilah had been throwing up all day. I felt so bad for her. Nobody likes to throw up, but as a 3 yo it has to be worse. She was so good though. She remained pale and pretty much out of it, but right before she puked, she would pop up and say ever so matter of factly, "where's the bucket?" Little linen needed to be changed and by the following day, Lilah was feeling well again.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
She Works Hard For The Money
Well, I am officially a slacker...in the blog world that is. I think about writing all the time, but cannot find the time or maybe the energy to tap my fingers against the keys. It's funny how much it keeps bugging my mind to update this thing, almost like the need to finish a research paper in college only I suppose this is different since I actually enjoy blogging. But, enough about wanting to write because here I am and who really wants to hear about my excuses. OK well my excuses are actually whats been happening in my life lately, so I guess if you read on, you will hear some "excuses."
Primarily I have been simply exhausted. Work has been busy. I know a huge part of my feeling dead after coming home from work is the fact that I really am passionate about what I do and thus put my all into my care for my patients. The huge downfall is my family sees this zombie like person who just wants a nap. It's a major struggle I have feeling very guilty that I don't have more of myself to give at home. I often wonder what life would have been like had I not made it through nursing school and let me tell you that not making it through was not a far fetched thought. Being terrified of every graded assignment that I was sure I would fail was an everyday fear I had. Honestly, without a doubt, I passed because the big guy upstairs really wanted me to become a nurse. I had no idea how else I made it through. People may think that's a crazy thing to say and probably think "yeah right, we never doubted she would make it" but the true reality was I didn't know jack crap about the medical field. I was one of the few people who went into the program without being a nursing assistant or a person who had been pushing their 5th year in college just waiting to be accepted to the program. Thank goodness the requirements to get into the program were different then or my life story would be quite different. There was even a day that I walked into the office of the lady who really pushed the program to accept me and told her maybe I needed to quit and come back in a couple years. I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself had I not pushed through and prayed that I would pass. Thankfully I passed and looking back I can chuckle at the times I had to look up words that were obviously familiar to the others in class such as flatus, foley, and bowel movement. Interesting how they are all related to the same general area too! It's been an amazing journey thus far meeting more people than most will in their lifetime and being enriched because of the people and experiences I come across.
Of course the downfall as I said earlier with my career is being tired all the time. Although, I did buy a super cool frappe maker which I totally feel was worth the $40. Dave wasn't so sure at first. I'm not sure what he was so worried about. Maybe he thought I was just buying it as a decoration for the counter? It makes absolutely delicious frappes. However my already always running late self rarely has time to put all the ingredients together before I have to bolt out of my front door to work. But I do have time before my night shift since I am generally not asleep hitting the snooze to sleep for 5 more minutes like I do in the morning. And working a night shift when your body screams for sleep means it's mandatory to drink some caffeine. I can only hope my body doesn't turn into one like the old wrinkly women who have to drink 10 cups of coffee just to feel the effects of what my 1 cup does for me. It's a great invention and even Dave likes to drink them, but who wouldn't want to, especially when my recipe calls for a scoop of ice cream!
I am grateful that all my head bobbing and eyelid dropping issues doesn't upset the kids or at least I don't think it does. They do want me to do more and so do I. I am hoping getting into a regular routine of yoga and meditation will build up my overall well being, including my energy. For Christmas, santa bought us a Wii and a ton of fun games which has also helped give me bursts of energy. I'm not gonna lie, I also like to kick Dave's butt. Crazy thing about the competition is that our Just Dance 3 almost always gives Dave the crown and yet he gets called lazy and I'm always wild or creative! He says it's a bunch of crap that he could win, but still be lazy! I think it's a hoot!
I really don't want to stop this post here, but the toothpicks just won't hold my eyes open anymore!
Primarily I have been simply exhausted. Work has been busy. I know a huge part of my feeling dead after coming home from work is the fact that I really am passionate about what I do and thus put my all into my care for my patients. The huge downfall is my family sees this zombie like person who just wants a nap. It's a major struggle I have feeling very guilty that I don't have more of myself to give at home. I often wonder what life would have been like had I not made it through nursing school and let me tell you that not making it through was not a far fetched thought. Being terrified of every graded assignment that I was sure I would fail was an everyday fear I had. Honestly, without a doubt, I passed because the big guy upstairs really wanted me to become a nurse. I had no idea how else I made it through. People may think that's a crazy thing to say and probably think "yeah right, we never doubted she would make it" but the true reality was I didn't know jack crap about the medical field. I was one of the few people who went into the program without being a nursing assistant or a person who had been pushing their 5th year in college just waiting to be accepted to the program. Thank goodness the requirements to get into the program were different then or my life story would be quite different. There was even a day that I walked into the office of the lady who really pushed the program to accept me and told her maybe I needed to quit and come back in a couple years. I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself had I not pushed through and prayed that I would pass. Thankfully I passed and looking back I can chuckle at the times I had to look up words that were obviously familiar to the others in class such as flatus, foley, and bowel movement. Interesting how they are all related to the same general area too! It's been an amazing journey thus far meeting more people than most will in their lifetime and being enriched because of the people and experiences I come across.
Of course the downfall as I said earlier with my career is being tired all the time. Although, I did buy a super cool frappe maker which I totally feel was worth the $40. Dave wasn't so sure at first. I'm not sure what he was so worried about. Maybe he thought I was just buying it as a decoration for the counter? It makes absolutely delicious frappes. However my already always running late self rarely has time to put all the ingredients together before I have to bolt out of my front door to work. But I do have time before my night shift since I am generally not asleep hitting the snooze to sleep for 5 more minutes like I do in the morning. And working a night shift when your body screams for sleep means it's mandatory to drink some caffeine. I can only hope my body doesn't turn into one like the old wrinkly women who have to drink 10 cups of coffee just to feel the effects of what my 1 cup does for me. It's a great invention and even Dave likes to drink them, but who wouldn't want to, especially when my recipe calls for a scoop of ice cream!
I am grateful that all my head bobbing and eyelid dropping issues doesn't upset the kids or at least I don't think it does. They do want me to do more and so do I. I am hoping getting into a regular routine of yoga and meditation will build up my overall well being, including my energy. For Christmas, santa bought us a Wii and a ton of fun games which has also helped give me bursts of energy. I'm not gonna lie, I also like to kick Dave's butt. Crazy thing about the competition is that our Just Dance 3 almost always gives Dave the crown and yet he gets called lazy and I'm always wild or creative! He says it's a bunch of crap that he could win, but still be lazy! I think it's a hoot!
I really don't want to stop this post here, but the toothpicks just won't hold my eyes open anymore!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Spooktacular Fun
Halloween this year was spooktacular! I know, I'm a dork! Can't help it. We started the season getting the most delicious apples around at Deer Lake Orchard. One of my favorite things about fall are eating Honey Crisp apples. Yummy! The kids and I made caramel apples. They were great helpers and enjoyed eating them as much as me.
Of course we also had to decorate and carve pumpkins. I wasn't sure if they were ready for carving, but the lady at the pumpkin stand thought they would do well. We started off with painting them, since I was still leery about them carving. However, when Dave and I started carving out pumpkins, they insisted on doing it too. With some guidance they actually did quite well.
Our next adventure took place at my friend Sarah's Halloween party. It was last Friday night and was a ton of fun. They had my friend's husband dj, a keg, and pulled pork. There were lots of friends that I haven't seen in a very long time. Dave any I dressed as hippies. It took me 3 hours to pick a Halloween costume while in a overtired daze searching countless "hoe" outfits online. I am totally fine with anybody who wants to wear skimpy costumes, but it would be nice if there was more of a variety for those of us who would feel a lot more comfortable in something that covered our bootys. Also, this is Minnesota and I freeze enough in jeans and a sweatshirt, so lets be realistic and cater to those of us who want to feel relaxed. OK that's my rant. I am very happy that I found something for the fun festivities. The next night we went to another friend of mines Halloween party and had a great time there too!
Then came the night the kids have been waiting for...trick or treating. I love seeing the kids in their costumes and the excitement of the big night! Thankfully my mom always comes to help and Ethan comes too. We bundled Brinlee up and she tagged along in the stroller. Mason decided to be Bumblebee Transformer, which I announced as Bumblebee TUNA as I videoed him. Yep, I totally called him TUNA instead of transformer! Lilah was Minnie Mouse and she was very happy to be her as she said, "I'm cute!" (She gets her confidence from her dad!) Brinlee was a grey and pink leopard/cheetah and Ethan was a Scream. His mask was very neat and he could squirt "blood" through it which dripped down his mask face. The kids did a great job holding up through all the houses we went too. Mason constantly asked when we were going home because he wanted to eat his treats. He didn't quite get the concept of the more houses we go to, the more treats you get to eat. He didn't get antsy though and kept a positive attitude the whole way. He even started to switch his voice to sound scary when getting to the doors! Lilah fell about 2/3 of the way and then had a melt down which led to the "I can't walk" drama. That's her new thing. If she's upset, she will say things like, "My tummy hurts. My head hurts. I can't walk." Can be quite frustrating, especially when you really don't have much of a choice but to carry her the final 1/3 of the way or leave her on the grass of a neighbors yard as she throws a major tantrum. Maybe when she turns 3 in January, this terrible 2 business will end. I can hope, right? Brinlee did very well in the stroller and ended up falling asleep for some of the way. All in all it was a great time!
Of course we also had to decorate and carve pumpkins. I wasn't sure if they were ready for carving, but the lady at the pumpkin stand thought they would do well. We started off with painting them, since I was still leery about them carving. However, when Dave and I started carving out pumpkins, they insisted on doing it too. With some guidance they actually did quite well.
Our next adventure took place at my friend Sarah's Halloween party. It was last Friday night and was a ton of fun. They had my friend's husband dj, a keg, and pulled pork. There were lots of friends that I haven't seen in a very long time. Dave any I dressed as hippies. It took me 3 hours to pick a Halloween costume while in a overtired daze searching countless "hoe" outfits online. I am totally fine with anybody who wants to wear skimpy costumes, but it would be nice if there was more of a variety for those of us who would feel a lot more comfortable in something that covered our bootys. Also, this is Minnesota and I freeze enough in jeans and a sweatshirt, so lets be realistic and cater to those of us who want to feel relaxed. OK that's my rant. I am very happy that I found something for the fun festivities. The next night we went to another friend of mines Halloween party and had a great time there too!
P.I.F.
Probably one of the most awkward stages of my life was middle school or "Junior High" as it was called. Your body suddenly goes through rapid unforgiving changes, you are trying to figure out whether you are still a "kid," and adults around think you are just as weird as you feel. I empathize for all the kids going through that time of life. Such a strange time and there were not many lessons taught to know why it was happening and how to deal with it. I remember a specific time when one of my all time best friends, Nikki, decided to tell me what she overheard Erik saying from the lunch table a couple rows down. I had just grabbed my "hot" lunch and Nikki was already at the table since the only days she stood in that line was for food was when we had weiner roll ups or Italian dunkers. She informed me that Erik was talking to his buddies about how "Amy K's boobs are really getting big." Awesome.....I can't say it was all bad. I mean, it wasn't the most charming thing in the world, but at least he wasn't talking about my thighs and butt's growth spurt, right? OK maybe it's still rude, but really there are girls across the world paying for larger boobs, so I guess I could feel like I had some bonus during the many "negative" changes that took place at that time.
A year before I married, I had left a message on a general machine to discuss ways in which I could volunteer for any groups or activities that helped deal with the massive meth problem that was destroying my family and my community at that time. A lady named Alison returned my phone call shortly after and we had discussed the organizations that were in the works to help stop the epidemic that was taking over the lives of too many. I was feeling helpless in the situation that directly impacted my loved ones, so I needed to find a way to help even if it was not directly changing the people next to me. I couldn't sit at home anymore. I needed to be active in helping with the fight. I remember praying harder than I have ever prayed during that time while the emotions flooded through and the tears just poured out. There is no feeling of helplessness quite like the one you have when a devastating drug consumes the life of the people you love. The group I joined really helped me to push some of the emotions forward. Alison had also told me of a group that her and a few other ladies wanted to start called PIF and asked if I would be interested in joining.
PIF is a group that was started with an agenda to help girls in middle school, 6th-8th grade, who needed guidance, who maybe were struggling with family, struggling with school, struggling with friends. These were girls who not only had to deal with the awkwardness of middle school and the changed that come with it, but they also had to deal with additional struggles that made the "normal" changes even more difficult to deal with. I LOVED the idea of the group! I was excited and very happy to be chosen to be a leader of this group of young ladies get through a time of there life that may shape a big part of who they become. I could relate to all of them in one way or another and was happy to work with a group of leaders who were compassionate about making the middle school experience a positive one. We saw a light in the girls that grew brighter as our time with them grew. It was a wonderful experience. I ended up stepping back from the group as a leader after Mason was born due to difficulty with my schedule, but am happy to be able to teach them during one session each year about all the strange body changes that occur and why. It's a life changing group that has truly helped shape many young ladies lives. One of the girls went on to become Buffalo Royalty!
An ironic thing happened to me on September 7th. I remember the date because it was the day after Dave's Birthday and we were planning to go out for drinks. I had a very long and busy day at work, didn't get much sleep the night before, and had a 2 hour staff meeting after my 8.5 hour shift. I was exhausted to say the least. I needed a large Caramel Machiatto from Dunn Bros. I headed to get my drink and just as I was ready to turn into the driveway leading to the drivethru, a lady in a mini van was headed out and blocked the driveway for me to enter. I quickly stepped on my brakes and waved her to go onto the road ahead of me so I could enter the driveway. Just as I'm about to enter, my Tahoe dies. I thought "Oh great!" I quickly turned the key as I panic watching cars around me pass.It fires right up and a sudden glimmer of hope appears. I step on the gas to entice it to continue idling, but just as quickly as the glimmer of hope came, it quickly dies. With my phone in my hand and people heading in my direction from behind, I quickly put on my emergency lights while simultaneously dialing Dave's number. I look in my rear view mirror and see a car fastly approaching my tail end and think, "GO AROUND! CAN'T YOU SEE MY EMERGENCY LIGHTS!" She stops and puts her emergency lights on too and I realize she wants to help. With a sigh of relief I hop out of the car and realize that it's the mother of one of the very first girls that I helped mentor in PIF! She didn't know it was me before I stepped out of my car, but saw someone in need of help and came to the rescue. I gave her a giant hug and she says, "You need any help hun?" I barely even had my emergency lights on and she was already behind me willing to help. I told her that everything should be fine since Dave was on his way and she said, "Well do want me to help you move your car out of the way and maybe see if jumping it would help?" Smiling from ear to ear I said, "That would be awesome! Let me call Dave quick to tell him to wait to come." I put the car in neutral, guided the steering wheel, while we both pushed it to the side of the road. I gathered up my jumper cables and she parked her car to face mine. With her cars power to mine, the Tahoe turned right over and idled even longer than the first time, but psyched me out and shut off. In the meantime, I had 3 other people stop to ask if I needed a hand. You just don't think that there are that many people who want to help total strangers anymore, so I was very thankful for each and every offer. By this time, Dave was on his way and my PIF mom and me were chatting trying to diagnose what may be the problem. We also went on to give a brief update on life since diagnosing cars was not really our specialty. Dave quickly showed up with a tow rope in hand and I gave a few more hugs to my "angel" and felt like I couldn't thank her enough. It's funny how in the end people really do Pay It Forward.
A year before I married, I had left a message on a general machine to discuss ways in which I could volunteer for any groups or activities that helped deal with the massive meth problem that was destroying my family and my community at that time. A lady named Alison returned my phone call shortly after and we had discussed the organizations that were in the works to help stop the epidemic that was taking over the lives of too many. I was feeling helpless in the situation that directly impacted my loved ones, so I needed to find a way to help even if it was not directly changing the people next to me. I couldn't sit at home anymore. I needed to be active in helping with the fight. I remember praying harder than I have ever prayed during that time while the emotions flooded through and the tears just poured out. There is no feeling of helplessness quite like the one you have when a devastating drug consumes the life of the people you love. The group I joined really helped me to push some of the emotions forward. Alison had also told me of a group that her and a few other ladies wanted to start called PIF and asked if I would be interested in joining.
PIF is a group that was started with an agenda to help girls in middle school, 6th-8th grade, who needed guidance, who maybe were struggling with family, struggling with school, struggling with friends. These were girls who not only had to deal with the awkwardness of middle school and the changed that come with it, but they also had to deal with additional struggles that made the "normal" changes even more difficult to deal with. I LOVED the idea of the group! I was excited and very happy to be chosen to be a leader of this group of young ladies get through a time of there life that may shape a big part of who they become. I could relate to all of them in one way or another and was happy to work with a group of leaders who were compassionate about making the middle school experience a positive one. We saw a light in the girls that grew brighter as our time with them grew. It was a wonderful experience. I ended up stepping back from the group as a leader after Mason was born due to difficulty with my schedule, but am happy to be able to teach them during one session each year about all the strange body changes that occur and why. It's a life changing group that has truly helped shape many young ladies lives. One of the girls went on to become Buffalo Royalty!
An ironic thing happened to me on September 7th. I remember the date because it was the day after Dave's Birthday and we were planning to go out for drinks. I had a very long and busy day at work, didn't get much sleep the night before, and had a 2 hour staff meeting after my 8.5 hour shift. I was exhausted to say the least. I needed a large Caramel Machiatto from Dunn Bros. I headed to get my drink and just as I was ready to turn into the driveway leading to the drivethru, a lady in a mini van was headed out and blocked the driveway for me to enter. I quickly stepped on my brakes and waved her to go onto the road ahead of me so I could enter the driveway. Just as I'm about to enter, my Tahoe dies. I thought "Oh great!" I quickly turned the key as I panic watching cars around me pass.It fires right up and a sudden glimmer of hope appears. I step on the gas to entice it to continue idling, but just as quickly as the glimmer of hope came, it quickly dies. With my phone in my hand and people heading in my direction from behind, I quickly put on my emergency lights while simultaneously dialing Dave's number. I look in my rear view mirror and see a car fastly approaching my tail end and think, "GO AROUND! CAN'T YOU SEE MY EMERGENCY LIGHTS!" She stops and puts her emergency lights on too and I realize she wants to help. With a sigh of relief I hop out of the car and realize that it's the mother of one of the very first girls that I helped mentor in PIF! She didn't know it was me before I stepped out of my car, but saw someone in need of help and came to the rescue. I gave her a giant hug and she says, "You need any help hun?" I barely even had my emergency lights on and she was already behind me willing to help. I told her that everything should be fine since Dave was on his way and she said, "Well do want me to help you move your car out of the way and maybe see if jumping it would help?" Smiling from ear to ear I said, "That would be awesome! Let me call Dave quick to tell him to wait to come." I put the car in neutral, guided the steering wheel, while we both pushed it to the side of the road. I gathered up my jumper cables and she parked her car to face mine. With her cars power to mine, the Tahoe turned right over and idled even longer than the first time, but psyched me out and shut off. In the meantime, I had 3 other people stop to ask if I needed a hand. You just don't think that there are that many people who want to help total strangers anymore, so I was very thankful for each and every offer. By this time, Dave was on his way and my PIF mom and me were chatting trying to diagnose what may be the problem. We also went on to give a brief update on life since diagnosing cars was not really our specialty. Dave quickly showed up with a tow rope in hand and I gave a few more hugs to my "angel" and felt like I couldn't thank her enough. It's funny how in the end people really do Pay It Forward.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Worth Your Time
Have you ever heard of http://www.pinterest.com/? If not, it's worth checking out, but only if you are ready to spend a few hours glued in front of your computer. Haha, well that may be a little bit extreme, but seriously it can suck you in. It's a website in which people share great ideas, cool crafts, inspirational quotes, funny sayings, beautiful pictures, delicious recipes, and anything in-between. What's really nice about the site, is you create a profile page so you can save all of the cool things that interest you right to your page. There are photography tips, cost saving ideas, entertaining tips, motivational words, and so much more! It really has anything and everything and what else is nice about it, is that you can upload your own ideas, sites, photos, etc. which are called "pins" on the site to share with others. The only downfall is that you have to have an invite to join, which in itself isn't that difficult to get since you can request an invite right on the home page, but still an extra step that probably could be avoided. Let me know if you want an invite from me. I will need your email address. I have a friend from work that I wanted to show some neat things I learned from the site and after I opened up the page, she requested that I send her an invite. The next time I saw her, she told me she was mad at me because she was addicted to the site, lol! Please do not let that detour you. I promise you will love it!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
If I Could Capture It In a Bottle
First I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH ladies for your positive, sweet, and encouraging words! I cannot tell you how much it meant to me. Even brought tears to my eyes. Sooo very thoughtful and just what I needed. Life is going great! Of course I am lucky to have family and friends like you who help bring warmth and sunshine. MUAH!
It feels like I haven't wrote about my kiddos in a while and they are growing fast, so I need to keep up on all the growth which brings lots of laughs and smiles around.
In one month my baby will become a toddler. I will likely always call her my baby, but it will have a different meaning. Quite hard to believe she is already going to be 1! Her personality is changing right along with her age. She is becoming so vocal and even said "Naw-naw" while trying to push out "Mama" as I repeated those very words a hundred times over again. So I shall say that she was officially 10 mo old when she said Mama. Luckily I had witnesses who verified and agreed that this was certainly the case. Unfortunately, for me, she says "Dada" 90% of the times that I try and get her to say mama. I can't help but laugh and wonder if she does it on purpose!
She's becoming more spunky like her sister and actually is copying some bad habits of Lilah. For instance, she will push her bottom lip out as far as she can, gently "fall" to the ground, and arch her back when being scolded and let out a fake, no tears, "cry". Amazing how fast we pick up behaviors of those around us! Like Lilah, she loves to bounce and the crib is starting to feel the stress. It doesn't help that her sister who bounces more than Tigger used the crib before her.
Lovin her smiles too! She's poppin up teeth unlike the other 2 and makes sure to show them off with a squish of her nose and squinting of her eyes for added cuteness.
She eats her crackers in the most bizarre way. Rather than keeping them flat, she turns them horizontally and takes a bite right between her two front teeth. Definitely bother us adults to see such an odd bite. I think because we don't like having stuff stuck in our teeth and so we assume she wouldn't either, but she certainly enjoys that "Do I have something stuck in my teeth" feeling.
She pulls herself up to stand on anything that is high enough to give her that extra oomph. This is a bit shocking since she refused to bear weight when we would try and stand her up just a couple of months ago. I have a feeling she will be walking soon, but try not to think about that too much.
I am happy to say that she is still a mommy's girl and has a hard time letting others hold her if I'm in her line of sight. OK so maybe it's not always a good thing, but it sure feels good to know that the minute she is in my arms, her tears come to a screeching halt!
Next is Miss Lilah. She has been staying busy being Brinlee's second mama and trying to keep her in line. You would think that being a little caregiver would want to make her be a big girl and go on the potty chair, but unfortunately that is not the case. I now have no doubt that she will not go on the potty because, as she stated, "I want to be a baby. I don't want to be a big girl. I want to wear diapers" I guess she feels she is ahead of her age in so many other ways that this will help give her balance? That is what I have concluded at least. She always helps get her own diaper, wipes, and even pulls out the powder for when she needs a diaper change. A few months ago she even changed her own diaper! I would have never even know about that hadn't it been for the soaking wet diaper she left on the living room floor and the fidgeting motions she was making trying to adjust the diaper that she applied only covering one butt cheek.
Then, there's the cute things she says. I wish we could capture the "I can't believe they said that" moments on video. I am sure there would be a lot more smiles and laughter in the world. I would love to press repeat on those moments when I'm having a bad day. One evening, she ate 3/4 of her apple and put the rest in the fridge to save for later. I thought it was so cute that she did it on her own without prompting and I told her, "You are sooo cute! I just want to eat you up!" She quickly replied, "No you can't eat me, I'm not supper." I chuckled and said, "Oh pretty please! I bet you taste yummy. You are just too cute." She responded, "No mom, you can't eat me. I'm not a cupcake!"
She still loves to color and draw. Anytime I give a card to her to sign, she takes the pink sparkly pen and decorates the entire inside, barely leaving room for our 4 signatures. An interesting thing was said by Mason the other day. Dave had noticed that Mason didn't color much of his fire safety coloring book from school and commented, "You aren't much of a colorer, are you Mase?" He replied, "Naahhh. Is it because Lilah is such a good colorer and I'm not?" We have never told Mason he wasn't a good colorer, nor did we imply it. However, we and a few others have went on and on to Lilah about how well she colors and I suppose Mason took it as a negative that we didn't say the same to him. Interesting how that works. We all seem to do better when we have that positive reinforcement. It makes sense that if you never hear praise about your work, you probably won't find it gratifying and worthwhile, and thus stop doing it.
I am thinking about putting Lilah in dance instead of tumbling this year. I would love for her to do both, but it would be time consuming and of course, financially too much money. She would be a natural at ballet. Hopefully I can better assess which one she prefers or she will be able to help decide which she likes best. I really want all of them to have opportunities to do fun things outside of home that is individualized for them.
Mason is enjoying preschool and making new friends. It's fun to hear about his day, the things he learned, and his interactions. The friend he talks about most is Myles. He's already talked about going to his house or Myles coming here. When did he get so big???
Tonight he told me that he wanted to stay on the couch and sleep "because my knees kind of hurt from too much fighting." Cracked me up a little. He wasn't talking about the fighting that happens between him and Lilah, but rather the pretend MMA fights that he has with the air or his stuffed spiderman. He sure knows how to talk me into things and it never fails that when he gets the sense that I may say no, he quickly flashes me his big brown eyes, bats his long lashes, gives me a suddle smile, wraps his arms around me, kisses my arm, and says, "I love you mom."
He has however had his 4 going on 13 moments. He would play video games 24/7 if we let him, says things like "come on, I just have to" and has even told Dave that he doesn't like him. Ouch! You get nervous and think, seriously, what is he going to be like when he's a teenager if he's already got the attitude of a teenager. I am hoping he takes his time getting there...
Mostly though, he is sensitive, empathetic, and caring. The other day my mom came over to watch the kids while Dave and I ran a couple errands. Mason was in the bathroom as we left and had we waited for him, we may not have gotten all the things done that needed to be done if you know what I mean. Mom said when he came out of the bathroom he was quite upset and said with disappointment, "But I just wanted to give them a hug and a kiss goodbye. If they just waited a minute, I was almost done." Oh be still my heart!
It feels like I haven't wrote about my kiddos in a while and they are growing fast, so I need to keep up on all the growth which brings lots of laughs and smiles around.
In one month my baby will become a toddler. I will likely always call her my baby, but it will have a different meaning. Quite hard to believe she is already going to be 1! Her personality is changing right along with her age. She is becoming so vocal and even said "Naw-naw" while trying to push out "Mama" as I repeated those very words a hundred times over again. So I shall say that she was officially 10 mo old when she said Mama. Luckily I had witnesses who verified and agreed that this was certainly the case. Unfortunately, for me, she says "Dada" 90% of the times that I try and get her to say mama. I can't help but laugh and wonder if she does it on purpose!
She's becoming more spunky like her sister and actually is copying some bad habits of Lilah. For instance, she will push her bottom lip out as far as she can, gently "fall" to the ground, and arch her back when being scolded and let out a fake, no tears, "cry". Amazing how fast we pick up behaviors of those around us! Like Lilah, she loves to bounce and the crib is starting to feel the stress. It doesn't help that her sister who bounces more than Tigger used the crib before her.
Lovin her smiles too! She's poppin up teeth unlike the other 2 and makes sure to show them off with a squish of her nose and squinting of her eyes for added cuteness.
She eats her crackers in the most bizarre way. Rather than keeping them flat, she turns them horizontally and takes a bite right between her two front teeth. Definitely bother us adults to see such an odd bite. I think because we don't like having stuff stuck in our teeth and so we assume she wouldn't either, but she certainly enjoys that "Do I have something stuck in my teeth" feeling.
She pulls herself up to stand on anything that is high enough to give her that extra oomph. This is a bit shocking since she refused to bear weight when we would try and stand her up just a couple of months ago. I have a feeling she will be walking soon, but try not to think about that too much.
I am happy to say that she is still a mommy's girl and has a hard time letting others hold her if I'm in her line of sight. OK so maybe it's not always a good thing, but it sure feels good to know that the minute she is in my arms, her tears come to a screeching halt!
Next is Miss Lilah. She has been staying busy being Brinlee's second mama and trying to keep her in line. You would think that being a little caregiver would want to make her be a big girl and go on the potty chair, but unfortunately that is not the case. I now have no doubt that she will not go on the potty because, as she stated, "I want to be a baby. I don't want to be a big girl. I want to wear diapers" I guess she feels she is ahead of her age in so many other ways that this will help give her balance? That is what I have concluded at least. She always helps get her own diaper, wipes, and even pulls out the powder for when she needs a diaper change. A few months ago she even changed her own diaper! I would have never even know about that hadn't it been for the soaking wet diaper she left on the living room floor and the fidgeting motions she was making trying to adjust the diaper that she applied only covering one butt cheek.
Then, there's the cute things she says. I wish we could capture the "I can't believe they said that" moments on video. I am sure there would be a lot more smiles and laughter in the world. I would love to press repeat on those moments when I'm having a bad day. One evening, she ate 3/4 of her apple and put the rest in the fridge to save for later. I thought it was so cute that she did it on her own without prompting and I told her, "You are sooo cute! I just want to eat you up!" She quickly replied, "No you can't eat me, I'm not supper." I chuckled and said, "Oh pretty please! I bet you taste yummy. You are just too cute." She responded, "No mom, you can't eat me. I'm not a cupcake!"
She still loves to color and draw. Anytime I give a card to her to sign, she takes the pink sparkly pen and decorates the entire inside, barely leaving room for our 4 signatures. An interesting thing was said by Mason the other day. Dave had noticed that Mason didn't color much of his fire safety coloring book from school and commented, "You aren't much of a colorer, are you Mase?" He replied, "Naahhh. Is it because Lilah is such a good colorer and I'm not?" We have never told Mason he wasn't a good colorer, nor did we imply it. However, we and a few others have went on and on to Lilah about how well she colors and I suppose Mason took it as a negative that we didn't say the same to him. Interesting how that works. We all seem to do better when we have that positive reinforcement. It makes sense that if you never hear praise about your work, you probably won't find it gratifying and worthwhile, and thus stop doing it.
I am thinking about putting Lilah in dance instead of tumbling this year. I would love for her to do both, but it would be time consuming and of course, financially too much money. She would be a natural at ballet. Hopefully I can better assess which one she prefers or she will be able to help decide which she likes best. I really want all of them to have opportunities to do fun things outside of home that is individualized for them.
Mason is enjoying preschool and making new friends. It's fun to hear about his day, the things he learned, and his interactions. The friend he talks about most is Myles. He's already talked about going to his house or Myles coming here. When did he get so big???
Tonight he told me that he wanted to stay on the couch and sleep "because my knees kind of hurt from too much fighting." Cracked me up a little. He wasn't talking about the fighting that happens between him and Lilah, but rather the pretend MMA fights that he has with the air or his stuffed spiderman. He sure knows how to talk me into things and it never fails that when he gets the sense that I may say no, he quickly flashes me his big brown eyes, bats his long lashes, gives me a suddle smile, wraps his arms around me, kisses my arm, and says, "I love you mom."
He has however had his 4 going on 13 moments. He would play video games 24/7 if we let him, says things like "come on, I just have to" and has even told Dave that he doesn't like him. Ouch! You get nervous and think, seriously, what is he going to be like when he's a teenager if he's already got the attitude of a teenager. I am hoping he takes his time getting there...
Mostly though, he is sensitive, empathetic, and caring. The other day my mom came over to watch the kids while Dave and I ran a couple errands. Mason was in the bathroom as we left and had we waited for him, we may not have gotten all the things done that needed to be done if you know what I mean. Mom said when he came out of the bathroom he was quite upset and said with disappointment, "But I just wanted to give them a hug and a kiss goodbye. If they just waited a minute, I was almost done." Oh be still my heart!
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