FSGS WHAT????

What a whirlwind our life has been in the last couple of weeks! After a second relapse of Brinlee's nephrotic syndrome and just a few weeks away from her final prednisone wean, we were told she would need a kidney biopsy. At that time, I still was not comprehending everything and thought things would be ok. The thing is, she did so well on Prednisone. Her urine went clear of protein in no time and mostly maintained there until we would almost be done with the medicine. So in my mind, she really responded well, but for some reason just couldn't go to a really small dose without consequences.

To top it off, her swelling and protein increased right before Christmas weekend because in my family, nothing ever happens on a normal weekday. Christmas Eve she went in for a pre-op physical and labs and her biopsy was scheduled for that Thursday. The experience was not as smooth as anticipated and communication was lacking from the beginning of her hospital stay, but in the end, they got an adequate sample. Could you imagine, sometimes that is not the case? I would have been completely devastated if we went through all of that, only to find out, they couldn't get an adequate sample from her kidney.

A week goes by and we continue on the high dose of steroid that was increased a week prior and I am waiting to hear back from her specialist. As Friday arrives, I make a call to the clinic and am told that I can talk with the Care Coordinator. Luckily or not so luckily, I know that the Care Coordinator is not working on Fridays and tell the operator that I need to have Brinlee's specialist paged rather than talk with a machine that won't get back to me til Monday. I explained that we did not experience great communication from our hospital stay hoping she will realize that this phone call means more to me than she could know and hoped the frustration would seep through my voice to her end of the line. After she tells me that our specialist is not available, she puts me on hold to look further into my urgency. When she comes back to the phone, she tells me that our specialist is actually working and that she would call me back as soon as possible. Frustrating, but glad she really looked into the search for Brin's specialist.

A couple hours later I receive a call back and the news is far from what I expected. "Brinlee has FSGS nephrotic syndrome." I reply, "Wait fs...what was that?" She says "It's called FSGS and at this time there is no cure. She will need to go on a different medication called Cyclosporine for an indefinite amount of time until dialysis or transplant are needed." These were the words I heard on the other end of the line. I asked, "So she will never grow out of it like we thought earlier?" The response, "That is correct. At this time there is no cure. I will need to see her in the clinic soon so we can go over this." That was a phone call I will never forget. I hung up and cried and cried and cried. I tried calling Dave, who was running an errand, and wouldn't you know I got his voicemail all 7 attempts to get a hold of him?!

We had dinner at friends' house later that night and so I didn't have much time to research. By the time we got home, I just wanted to sleep from mental overload.

On Saturday, I started looking at well respected sites used by the hospital I work at and also at sites that support nephrotic syndrome research and found that people can go into remission and that there isn't a whole lot of concrete data to really know why this happens. FSGS, focal segmental glomerulosclerosis, is an autoimmune disorder that causes her body to attack it's kidney leaving scars in the areas that filter which makes these filters inadequate to send protein to the blood stream, thus causes protein to build up and spill in her urine. Swelling was the number one thing we noticed in her initially. I found forums with people dealing with FSGS who have gone on gluten free diets and went into complete remission and off medications. After LOTS of prayers, I felt like this was our answer. If we can help in any way, I was ready to try and this was something I could do.

On Sunday after church my dad and step mom took me to Whole Foods so I could get a "taste" of gluten free options. After picking out a good variety of food choices, I was putting my groceries in the SUV and because I shut the window part of the vehicle before the door, the window completely shattered! I couldn't believe it! You know what though? We all just laughed! Dad and Patti couldn't have been more understanding and kind about me breaking out their back window. On the way home, I called Dave to tell him what happened and his first words were, "Oh no, really? Well, I don't know where to begin or who to call first?" I said, "What are you talking about? Patti already called the glass company and....wait! You know it wasn't our car right?" A breath of relief hit him and he said, "Ohhh well thats good! I was gonna say!" Oh boy Dave! My dad cleared all the glass that was still stuck to the window frame and one piece was left. I noticed it as we were driving back. It looked just liked an angel wing! And, to top it off, at church the pastor was talking about angels and how if you have an angel on your Christmas tree it represents that you are a person who needs a little bit of reassurance that you are doing the right thing. Not a doubt in my mind that God was telling me that gluten free was the right thing to do and he gave me reassurance with the angel wing!

So Sunday night January 6th was the official start of Brinlee's gluten free and as much organic as possible diet. We started her on Nat Mur which is a medication recommended by a homeopathic doctor thanks to my Aunt Karen who recommended him, gave me his phone number, and even bought the medication. We put her on a multivitamin, omega 3, and an immune support vitamin. The second night on this diet she was diuresing (peeing a lot) so much that I changed her night time diaper 4 or 5 times that night. She was looking thinner and healthier. She was more active, more happy, and even eating a lot more! We are also decreasing her salt and have switched her to Lactose free milk. She continues on the high dose of steroid which was increased that Thursday before Christmas, so the only change we have made was diet and it is working amazingly! Her urine, which we test everyday, went from 30 or more of protein since her relapse to negative or a couple trace proteins since the Sunday we started her gluten free diet. There is no way that this is coincidental. I have many family members on my dad's side that have autoimmune diseases, which get worse depending on their diet. My dad has Crohn's Disease, grandma has Diverticulitis, Aunt and cousin have Ulcerative Colitis, and Aunt with Lupus. This past Sunday we had a Birthday party for the girls and before I told Dave's sisters about the diet, they were already expressing how good Brinlee was looking! It's not my imagination! I'm not the only one seeing this! Her negative urine is proving to me that this is working! I cannot wait to find out how much she weighs tomorrow to see just how much fluid she has lost. We see the specialist tomorrow and will make some big decisions. I truly hope she is open to my ideas. Brinlee's primary doctor is sceptical about the gluten free diet and talks about how big of a challenge it is and I say there is no challenge that compares to that of watching your child go through dialysis or a transplant. I am up for this gluten free challenge and to be honest have been pleasantly surprised at how easy it actually is!

Did you hear that?

All the family was asleep while I pulled out the cereal from the pantry in a somewhat groggy state. After I poured my Captain Crunch Berries and poured the cold milk in the bowl, I heard the maraca at the bottom of the stairs shake. Usually something like this would freak me out considering I felt alone being the only one awake, but surprisingly I was relaxed while trying to rationalize what could have caused the maraca to shake. After not coming up with much justification, I went to grab my bowl of cereal when I heard the maraca shake again. "Ok, I bet one of the kids woke up and they are slowly making their way up the stairs" I thought. So I went down to check, only to hear their snores and see them sound asleep. Hmmm, no doubt that the maraca shook. I heard it 2 separate times. It was as if the first time it happened, I brushed it off as maybe I was imagining it, but then it happened a couple minutes later, as if to say, "yep you heard that all right." I don't know if it's because I'm in such a good place spiritually that it doesn't scare me, but I really was not bothered by it.

When I was little, I had an intense fear of ghosts. My grandparents lived near an abandoned "haunted house" and when I was around 6 yo my dad, my sister, and I lived with them which is when I believe my fear of ghosts was heightened. I would go to bed with my head barely peaking out of my blankets with my body so tense that even my breathing made me nervous. I didn't want to disturb the ghosts that I was sure were around. Never did I see any or have any weird things happen, but I walked around the farm with a thick cloud of fear especially when I was alone. I even walked around in my brown rubber boots and a spray bottle filled with water so I could randomly spray the air, thinking it would disintegrate them, if in fact I felt like a ghost was near! Many nights I would wake up screaming from nightmares that, to this day, I can remember. It was awful! It sounds crazy to most, I know, but this was my "reality."

My mom said that when her and my dad were together, they lived in an old house that she had no doubt was haunted, especially on the upper level. She refused to go up there and on the day that they finally moved out, she said my no-nonsense uncles who helped her move, also felt that something was upstairs which scared them as they helped her move.

There have been random strange things that happen in my house and have been happening every once in a while since we moved in. It was a brand new house, so I'm not sure if it is the land and who was on it prior to us or if it's someone who's past on and knows us that comes to visit. Things like doors closing, loud bangs from unattended areas, and things falling from the counter when no one was near them. Even with my history of fear as a child, I don't have a sense of worry when these things happen here. My gut either feels safe or I try to rationalize and push the event out of my mind so I can continue to live here! Haha!

It makes me wonder if Mason senses something more when he goes to bed because for almost 2 years he fought going to bed in his room downstairs. My daughter, Lilah, on the other hand, has no problem going down to bed and will even ask to be put to bed! Lately he has been going to bed a lot better than he used to which makes me feel better. He is a lot like me in many ways and I'd hate for him to feel the fear that I used to have.

Who knows what causes these strange things to happen? Nobody can really discount what you hear or see because these things did in fact happen, but people can question or believe whatever they want when it comes to why these things happen. With any explanation, I trust my gut more than ever and believe that whatever it is that is causing the unusual sounds and movements, it isn't meant to scare us.

Bump in the Road

About mid May, I noticed my youngest, who was 18 mo at the time, had increased puffiness around her eyes. Every morning seemed to be when the puffiness peaked and by evening, it seemed to diminish. I would point it out to other family members, but no one else really noticed a difference. Dave saw the increased swelling, but we both chopped it up to allergies since the air was being stirred up by so much rain. Nothing else seemed to fit. We didn't change anything that would trigger us to think that the culprit was environmental. It was just odd because she didn't acted any different and no other symptoms were present. As those two weeks pasted, the swelling was getting worse and not going away at night time like it had before. Her belly was getting rounder and her feet were barely squeezing into the sparkly sandals that once fit to perfection.

On the Wednesday before Memorial Day weekend, I had decided that this puffiness was not getting any better and if we didn't do anything soon, her eyes would be swollen shut. I worked the next day, but made an appointment for the first thing in the morning with a different doctor than normal, since Brinlee's primary physician was on vacation. I got a surprise visit at work from Dave and the kids as they were passing time from the appointment and waiting for labs to come back on Brin. Dave mentioned that the doctor thought that whatever was causing Brinlee's issue may have stemmed from her protein level being off, but nothing was definite. I was confused and unfortunately there wasn't much clarity at that time. When I came home from work, Dave had said that Brinlee was prescribed eye drops, that lab was unable to get a good blood sample, and that he didn't know much more than that. Before we put Brinlee to bed that night, we put drops in her eyes and hoped the morning would bring her swelling down.

Unfortunately, her eyes were puffier than ever. She looked like she had been crying all night or punched in both eyes. I panicked, called Dave, then called the clinic to get in with a Pediatrician that I was familiar with. I knew that this Pediatrician wouldn't let us go on to the upcoming long weekend without answers. As I made the phone call to the clinic to get in with the Pediatrician, I had a bit of panic set in as the scheduler told me that if there was an opening with any of the other doctors in the clinic, we would have to see them because their policy is that if the doctor you are trying to get into is booked & also not your primary physician, then they must look at the other doctors' schedules for an opening rather than requesting to be squeezed into the Pediatrician's schedule. I held my breath as she searched for other openings and was relieved to here that everyone else was also booked too, so she could move forward and send an appointment request to the Pediatrician we wanted to see. We were called back within minutes from hanging up with a confirmation time to be seen.

I gathered all 3 kids together and we were quickly on our way to the clinic. Go figure that this would be the day that Dave was gone and working with a friend. When we walked in, some familiar faces who worked at the clinic, came up to us, trying to brainstorm what could possibly be causing the swelling. Every last one of them thought it was allergies. I knew it wasn't allergies. She hadn't itched them at all, was not sneezing, and her nose never drained. The Pediatrician came in and after reviewing the information from the day prier's appointment, he had guessed that her kidneys were to blame. He ordered labs and told me that we would know for sure if it was kidney issues once her results were back, but he was pretty certain that the labs would confirm his thoughts. After he walked out of the room and I let the information set in, I remembered that my maternal grandma & maternal aunt had kidney issues and quickly ran out of the room to let the Ped's doc aware of this information. Right away, he ruled out any relation between her kidney problem and my family's and set my mind at ease.

After about 20 minutes of waiting for the labs to be processed, we had her results. Her diagnosis confirmed... nephrotic syndrome. Her labs were completely the classic look of the syndrome with protein in her urine being 657 (normal value 1-14) and her albumin being 1.1 (normal being at least 3.5). Basically her kidneys were not working properly, to say the least, and her entire body was filling with fluid. The cause is unknown, but likely stemmed from some type of virus. He was 98% certain she had the type of nephrotic syndrome that can be treated and cured. The regimen would include a minimal of 6 weeks of high dose steroids twice daily and antibiotics once daily. Since steroids tend to wipe out immunity, she needed the antibiotics for extra protection. The doctor made it very clear that a fever at any point in the process would need immediate attention and give her a spendy admit ticket to the hospital. We pulled her out of swimming and tried to keep her away from crowded places those first few weeks to give her extra protection.

The true test would come the week after the steroids were started. If her labs showed improvement, we would know that the nephrotic syndrome is the type the the doc was 98% sure that she had and if not, it would mean she would need a kidney biopsy and a change in treatment plans. With lots of prayers, we hoped for the best. I had to work the night before her appointment that would determine her fate, but no matter how tired, I was not missing that appointment. First sign of improvement was her 1 pound weight loss showing us that her kidneys were starting to work better. Then came the true answer. Her blood was drawn and we went home with a plastic baggy on her bottom to collect urine. I arrived home, exhausted, and checked to see if her results were ready to view in the computer. Since she hadn't peed and thus the specimen not sent at that moment, we wouldn't know her protein level and thus would see only the albumin. Her albumin was ready to view. With a groggy mind, I seen that her albumin went from 1.1 to 1.2, barely anything to cheer about. As a matter of fact, I cried myself to sleep. I thought for sure that we would be scheduling a biopsy in the next week. After a few hours of sleep, I awoke to check for her protein lab value and had to do a double take to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me. Protein level= 45!!!! It was 657 less than one week prior and had dropped significantly! Hooray!!!

Her labs are now back to normal and last week we were able to finally decrease her dose of steroids and discontinue her antibiotics. She is much more irritable than normal and doesn't sleep well from the meds, but we are so grateful that these meds have essentially cleared her body of the nephrotic syndrome. Next week, she will see the Nephrologist and hopefully be discontinued from the the steroids shortly after that. Her cheeks are bigger than ever from the steroids and at a family reunion an older lady thought she was looking pretty "healthy" due to her increased weight appearance. I explained to her that she had chubby cheeks from steroids and she knew then, that healthy may have not been the right words ;)  I know that this bump in the road is nothing compared to what other parents have endured and am so very grateful that we have the medicine available to treat our "baby."

Bringing Sexy Back

As an honest person, I will say that nothing in this world is perfect. Most of us realize this and learn from mistakes made in the past. I have had an up and down, total roller coaster ride marriage. From the people that I do open up to about this fact of my life, I have realized that no-one has a continuous "fairy tale" marriage. It is a lot of work and sometimes a lot of heartache. But, there is a reason that we choose to work at it, plain and simply, because of the rush we get when we go down the huge hill on the roller coaster. It's a blast and completely worth the up hill climb. But, if you lose hope on the way up, you may never be able to enjoy the excitement of the fall.

So, one thing that has been lacking is our romance & spice, something that we used to take pride in. For myself, I don't really realize how big of a deal the intimacy is until we actually have some. Then, you sit back and think, why don't we do that more often. "Life happens." You work full time, have bills to manage, and 3 kids to care for. But, why don't we care for our most personal relationships as well as we do the other people or things in our life. I am still trying to figure this out myself. I can come up with a lot of excuses, but in the end, those excuses are really not good reasons to neglect the need that really does help keep our relationship happy. It's like a plant. Without water, it will not live. How do we expect our relationship to survive without the care that it truly does need.

One big problem for me is the spark inside has dwindled. Some say the hormones shift after baby, some say it's cause life is exhausting, and others will say a booked schedule leaves no time. No doubt that some of these things do play a major part in contributing to the lack of intimacy, but I won't accept that as a final rationale for totally excluding this important connection we all need.

Finally, I have found the person that left me about 6 years ago, coincidentally the same time I got married. She does still exist deep down inside me! Thanks to 50 Shades of Grey, that spark has finally ignited to a flame. I know, I know, there are people out there who refuse to read it for their own beliefs and that's ok, but, for me, this book has literally brought back the woman that I had lost. I have never read a romance/erotic book before, nor had I been interested in it, but couldn't get away from all the hype. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Once I started, I couldn't put the book down. My internal being was awoke and reminded of the times when keeping my flame lit didn't take adjusting of my busy schedule. I have read many self help books and took all the advice that was offered on bringing the spark back, but none of them were natural. It was as if I was doing a homework assignment rather than letting myself truly be in the moment. For me, the best intimacy needs no instructions. It just happens without too much thought. Books are not always meant to teach a lesson. Some are meant to be enjoyed. Sometimes you just want to stop over thinking things and let yourself get lost in. That is what this book does, but to another level. And, in the end you really do learn something valuable. You learn that you can still have the romance and excitement that you once had. To me, that means more than anything, especially when you are on the up hill climb of the roller coaster, just wanting so badly to glide down the hill.

Locks of Love

Two and a half years ago I received news that my Aunt Kelly was diagnosed with cervical cancer, stage 3 if I remember correctly. She is my step-mom, Patti's, only sister and they lost their mother at an early age to breast cancer. It's one of those moments in life when you aren't sure what to do. You feel helpless and want to make everything better. I was optimistic. My step-mom, however, must have put herself back to the time her mother battled and knew all to well the realities of this horrible disease.
Patti wants as much time with her as possible and tries to make the time fun. We've had a pajama party and put together a giant basket full of goodies for her, spent a day at the Holiday Inn water park, and went to Nickelodeon World.
From the moment we found out about the cancer, I knew I wanted to grow my hair out for Locks of Love. I've done it before so I knew it could be done again. As the time grew near to a desirable length, I started to think of ways that I could make it more of a tribute to Kelly. Her Birthday was Sunday, April 21st, and I was more than ready to cut my hair the couple weeks prior. I had the Thursday before her Birthday off and was able to get an appointment with my stylist. I talked to Kelly and found out she was free that day. Perfect! My plan could be set in place. I went over to Kelly's that morning and we were ready for the 10 inch pony cut. As part of her Birthday present, my plan was to have her cut the pony that would be donated. I would then go to my stylist to get a styled cut and color.

My sister, her son Tyler, my Lilah, and Brinlee all came for the fun! A while back, I was told that the size of a comb is 10 inches so I started using that as my guide, only to realize that the safest and best bet would be to get the handy tape measure that Kelly had readily available. Thank goodness we did, because the comb was close to 2 inches shorter than 10. Could you imagine cutting an 8 inch pony instead of the 10 needed for donation?!

As I said earlier, I was pumped and ready for this haircut. Kelly was excited too, but also nervous. She took her time and said, "Well there's no turning back now!"

When she cut through the last hairs, I could feel the weight lifted. It felt great! I still had a good amount of hair to work with, so it wasn't as drastic as some might expect.

It was one of the most fun things I have ever done! I couldn't stop smiling. My final cut and color turned out better that I anticipated and I got way more compliments than I did the last time I cut off 10 inches. Not to mention, who would think that hair could make such a big deal. Well, I'm sure if you would ask anyone who has went through chemo, they would tell you how big of a deal hair can be. But, in the end of course, it wasn't about the hair. It was really about doing something for someone in a unique and special way. Giving a gift to someone that can make a difference in more ways than one. It was about creating a memory that I will never ever forget.
Kelly is now battling with the cancer that has moved to her lungs and she has recently stated that the doctor's give her 12-18 months. She has decided that she wants to live without the side effects of chemo which would not prolong her life at this point anyways. What can you say? It is overwhelming to think. So, we do what we should and pray. We pray for comfort and peace through it all and of course, pray for a cure to end this never ending battle that disrupts too many lives.

It's the Little "Things"

My kids seem to be changing just as fast as the seasons and I keep hearing this little voice in the back of my head telling me to write more, imprint, and hold tight to these moments.

Brinlee just turned 17 months and is rapidly changing. She's getting to my all time favorite little kids age. The age where everyday is something new and radically different. Her personality is shining and she's wearing her cool sun shades because I'm pretty sure she is impressive to herself! The girl is going to be trouble. Who am I kidding? She already is trouble. You can scold and yell until you're about to erupt and it doesn't faze her in the slightest. She likes to pull the DVDs from the rack and some she will study, but most get tossed over her head and onto the ground. I was being firm and direct when I told her to stop pulling them down and get picking the up, but she didn't even flinch or stop staring at the DVD cover. You would've sworn she was deaf. I finally had it and asked her if she wanted to go to time out and without looking up, she shook her head no. So she really does understand me! The little stinker! She's at that age where because she doesn't say much, you tend to wonder how much she really understands, but clearly she knows more than I give her credit for and plays the game well.
 I get my exercise by chasing after her. She gets into everything! And I mean EVERYTHING! I am convinced that she has the disorder known as Pica most commonly seen in pregnancy. It's a disorder where people eat things that are considered inedible. No lie, she eats the tips off of markers and will chew up and swallow as many crayons as she can get away with. She literally poops out the rainbow sometimes!
She babbles a lot, but actual words are limited. She is still very stubborn about calling me mom and looks straight at me when I come home from work and says "Hi Dad!" The more I tell her to say mom, the more she calls me dad. She says bye, eyes, here, and welcome, but the rest of her communication is "jeh, jeh, buche" whatever that means.
She is following in her sisters footsteps and when being scolded with the words "No" will drop to the ground, arch her back, and try with all her might to squeeze out tears after she makes sure you are watching. She of course makes sure to be on a soft surface and gets even more frustrated if she wants to throw down on concrete.
She is obsessed with toothbrushes and does not discriminate on which of the many in the bathroom drawer she uses. This is not such a bad thing since my step-mom is a Dental Hygienist, but I guess spreading all those mouth germs isn't very hygienic! And this may be a sign of her future as a Dental Hygienist. Ok that's a bit far fetched, but it sounds like a good plan right?
She enjoys using a fork, but also still loves her bedtime bottle. It's like she is Miss Independent and a big girl for some things, but others will be diverted to her baby ways.
 It's a toss up of who, between her or Mason, is more of a cuddler. She starts smacking her lips before reaching you which is absolutely adorable.
 Just like the other 2, she loves music and can keep up her dance moves with them both. One of her favorites to dance to is Katy Perry's "E.T." song.
We will be starting her in swimming next Monday which I am excited about. I love having one on one time and this is a great opportunity for us since it's a parent-toddler class. She is shy, but willing to show off!

Lilah is finally potty trained with the exclusion of the night!!!!!!!! I am so proud! She really turned the corner on April Fools Day of all days. I'm not surprised that she would pick that day. Her personality wants to keep you on your toes and it seems as though the minute you really want to get excited about an advancement from her, she will put you back in your place and remind you that it's on her terms. Thus, I think she picks that day because she knew we wouldn't really believe that her days of diapers was coming to an end and she likes to surprise us. When we are surprised, I think we tend to be more genuine as to not exaggerate something that we anticipate. We didn't get too overjoyed at first, thinking the underwear days wouldn't last, but she proved us wrong, which I am so happy that she did! She is so funny and still occasionally tells me she has a surprise for me and then leans forward on the toilet to show and tell me my surprise is poop! Awesome!
Along with her growing up to a "big girl" she has also grown in inches. Dave and I are sure that this happened overnight!

Mason is still growing like the weeds on a rainy day. He is only 4 1/2 years old and over 46 inches. I guess I am waiting for him to average out like Dave and I. His clothes continue to have little wear and tear due to the fact that he outgrows them so fast.
He's still a major love bug and throws his entire body on you when giving hugs. He likes to wink, point, and click his tongue when he likes your idea. He often talks about things from "back in the day" or "when I was little."
He apologizing often making it hard to put him in time out when he really does need it.
He is obsessed with video games which he doesn't get to play often, but he will talk like they are the only think he eats and breathes. He wants every single toy on tv and it frustrates me because he has an overabundance of toys and doesn't play with them. I really am thinking that I need to simplify Birthday and Christmas gifts because I go overboard and they can't even focus because they are so overwhelmed. I am hoping that doing so will make him treasure and enjoy more toys.
 I may have already mentioned it, but his teacher, who has taught for over 20 years, says he's the nicest kid. He is sensitive though which creates some drama filled moments. He hates going to bed. He is a night owl like his mother and prefers to push his bed time to the limits. He will cry and insist we let him sleep on the couch. After 20 minutes of "pushing" him to bed, he actually calmly lays down and we do our nighttime routine of reading a book, saying prayers, hugs and kisses, and our saying, which was passed on from my dad, "goodnight, love you, sleep good." It's amazing how even though he fights the structure of going to bed in his room, he still deep down relies on the structure in the end.
He will be starting swimming again this coming week. He's such a friendly kid that he gets distracted easily and chats with the other kids during the lessons, but I think that since he is now in preschool, the structure may have influenced his listening skills or at least I hope!

With work and family balance, life can be so exhausting. If the kids are being defiant, it can be hard not to throw in the towel and let them run wild. Scolding and yelling take less energy than getting out of my seat to put them in time out, right? Well, I have come to the conclusion that yelling really doesn't work for my kids. Don't think that stops me from yelling though! But, I realized that time out is the most effective way to really change the bad behavior. And, even though there are times that I can barely lift a finger cause I'm so tired, putting them in time out, in the long run, will help decrease the amount of time that is spent yelling over and over like a broken record. We all need time outs even as adults and so it only makes sense that it is most likely going to be the most effective and beneficial way to decrease the negative behavior.



I enjoy all of their talented, entertaining, and funny moments. It's hard to believe that there will be a time when our home will be quiet and empty. I pray that I am parenting to the best of my ability to make them the best that they can be.

Time-out

Time is such a precious thing. We all know it. There is never enough of it. We all know the saying, "if I could just go back in time." As for me, well I am no different. I just want more time to do the little things that add up to be really good memories. I think a lot of my problem with not having enough time is making a conscious decision or an effort into prioritizing the things that really matter to me. There are definitely moments that my time could be spent doing much more important things, but I am stuck in this subconscious routine of just doing whatever and at the end of the day I find that I am not satisfied.
I want more. I want more time. The thing is, I have to figure out how to make the best of the time I have. Isn't that what we are all wanting to do? Cherish the moment, seize the day. But as a fast paced society, little time is spent on being mindful and present of the moment. We just go, go, go. Never really absorbing what it is we are doing.
My kids and husband are top priority. We know just how fast time flys when we watch our kids grow. This is something that really puts time into perspective, next to death of course. Kids really make you stop and think about "where the time has gone" or "when in the world did you get so big!" I have major guilt over the lack of time we all have together. Sure, we cuddle, say endless "I love yous," read bedtime stories, say prayers, and praise every little positive moment, but when it comes to the quality and length of time, I need to step up. This is a time I can never get back and I need to make the most of it. It's the everyday routines or habits, if you will, that stop the quality moments from happening. Whether it be cleaning, answering my phone, checking my email, my facebook, there seems to always be something. I seem to have a never ending agenda of things that really come no where near my top priority. My kids absolutely love the moments when we play together. And you know what else? They actually are better behaved when there are more moments like this.
My husband too. He wants more "us" time. More alone time. But, like most every married couple, we take for granted the fact that there is always tomorrow. I have a co-worker who is one of the nicest people I know. Her husband was having pain in his legs and shortness of breath, so he went to the ER to get treated and within a matter of hours was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He's in his 50's. Un-imaginable. One day life is going on as it always does and the next, you are faced with decisions and feelings that nobody should ever have to face. This couple is filled with love and faith throughout it all. It's those life changing stories that put a halt to my normalcy and really makes me evaluate what I need to change. It's the little sparks of love notes, a peck on the lips in passing, holding hands on a walk that turn into beautiful fireworks.
My friends and family are very dear to me. There is certainly not enough time spent with them. Even a couple hours out of my day to call or have coffee with can make such a difference. I wish there was an extra day in a week for friends and family time. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on or make me laugh until I cry! Yet, finding a time when our schedules aline seems near impossible.
Since these are my real valuables, I need to figure out how I can cherish them more. Delegating things to Dave, such as making phone calls and appointments will help. Taking some of the control out of every little detail that really don't need to be done by only me can make a difference. Keeping a calender up to date with activities, times, and locations will put my mind at ease and decrease my time spent searching for the paper that I wrote the important notes on. Cleaning 15 minutes a day so I don't spend an ENTIRE day and evening scrubbing the house. Dedicating a full hour to the kids of activities we can do together and writing it down the night before so I am held accountable for this time like I would for any other important activity that comes. Making sure that Dave and I schedule date nights at least once per month and dedicate daily quiet time with no tv, kids, phones, or any other distractions that may come up so that we can really be present in the moment and devote the time to each other so he knows that I value his presence and conversation.
It's really up to me to make sure that these moments are treasured. I need to be accountable and make a big effort to change the daily un-engaged "habits" which is essentially my life. As time goes on, these changes will hopefully be my normal and not something that I even think about because it will be the newer and happier me!