If I Could Capture It In a Bottle

First I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH ladies for your positive, sweet, and encouraging words! I cannot tell you how much it meant to me. Even brought tears to my eyes. Sooo very thoughtful and just what I needed. Life is going great! Of course I am lucky to have family and friends like you who help bring warmth and sunshine. MUAH!

It feels like I haven't wrote about my kiddos in a while and they are growing fast, so I need to keep up on all the growth which brings lots of laughs and smiles around.

In one month my baby will become a toddler. I will likely always call her my baby, but it will have a different meaning. Quite hard to believe she is already going to be 1! Her personality is changing right along with her age. She is becoming so vocal and even said "Naw-naw" while trying to push out "Mama" as I repeated those very words a hundred times over again. So I shall say that she was officially 10 mo old when she said Mama. Luckily I had witnesses who verified and agreed that this was certainly the case. Unfortunately, for me, she says "Dada" 90% of the times that I try and get her to say mama. I can't help but laugh and wonder if she does it on purpose!

She's becoming more spunky like her sister and actually is copying some bad habits of Lilah. For instance, she will push her bottom lip out as far as she can, gently "fall" to the ground, and arch her back when being scolded and let out a fake, no tears, "cry". Amazing how fast we pick up behaviors of those around us! Like Lilah, she loves to bounce and the crib is starting to feel the stress. It doesn't help that her sister who bounces more than Tigger used the crib before her.

Lovin her smiles too! She's poppin up teeth unlike the other 2 and makes sure to show them off with a squish of her nose and squinting of her eyes for added cuteness.

She eats her crackers in the most bizarre way. Rather than keeping them flat, she turns them horizontally and takes a bite right between her two front teeth. Definitely bother us adults to see such an odd bite. I think because we don't like having stuff stuck in our teeth and so we assume she wouldn't either, but she  certainly enjoys that "Do I have something stuck in my teeth" feeling.

She pulls herself up to stand on anything that is high enough to give her that extra oomph. This is a bit shocking since she refused to bear weight when we would try and stand her up just a couple of months ago. I have a feeling she will be walking soon, but try not to think about that too much.

I am happy to say that she is still a mommy's girl and has a hard time letting others hold her if I'm in her line of sight. OK so maybe it's not always a good thing, but it sure feels good to know that the minute she is in my arms, her tears come to a screeching halt!

Next is Miss Lilah. She has been staying busy being Brinlee's second mama and trying to keep her in line. You would think that being a little caregiver would want to make her be a big girl and go on the potty chair, but unfortunately that is not the case. I now have no doubt that she will not go on the potty because, as she stated, "I want to be a baby. I don't want to be a big girl. I want to wear diapers" I guess she feels she is ahead of her age in so many other ways that this will help give her balance? That is what I have concluded at least. She always helps get her own diaper, wipes, and even pulls out the powder for when she needs a diaper change. A few months ago she even changed her own diaper! I would have never even know about that hadn't it been for the soaking wet diaper she left on the living room floor and the fidgeting motions she was making trying to adjust the diaper that she applied only covering one butt cheek.

Then, there's the cute things she says. I wish we could capture the "I can't believe they said that" moments on video. I am sure there would be a lot more smiles and laughter in the world. I would love to press repeat on those moments when I'm having a bad day. One evening, she ate 3/4 of her apple and put the rest in the fridge to save for later. I thought it was so cute that she did it on her own without prompting and I told her, "You are sooo cute! I just want to eat you up!" She quickly replied, "No you can't eat me, I'm not supper." I chuckled and said, "Oh pretty please! I bet you taste yummy. You are just too cute." She responded, "No mom, you can't eat me. I'm not a cupcake!"

She still loves to color and draw. Anytime I give a card to her to sign, she takes the pink sparkly pen and decorates the entire inside, barely leaving room for our 4 signatures. An interesting thing was said by Mason the other day. Dave had noticed that Mason didn't color much of his fire safety coloring book from school and commented, "You aren't much of a colorer, are you Mase?" He replied, "Naahhh. Is it because Lilah is such a good colorer and I'm not?" We have never told Mason he wasn't a good colorer, nor did we imply it. However, we and a few others have went on and on to Lilah about how well she colors and I suppose Mason took it as a negative that we didn't say the same to him. Interesting how that works. We all seem to do better when we have that positive reinforcement. It makes sense that if you never hear praise about your work, you probably won't find it gratifying and worthwhile, and thus stop doing it.

I am thinking about putting Lilah in dance instead of tumbling this year. I would love for her to do both, but it would be time consuming and of course, financially too much money. She would be a natural at ballet. Hopefully I can better assess which one she prefers or she will be able to help decide which she likes best. I really want all of them to have opportunities to do fun things outside of home that is individualized for them.

Mason is enjoying preschool and making new friends. It's fun to hear about his day, the things he learned, and his interactions. The friend he talks about most is Myles. He's already talked about going to his house or Myles coming here. When did he get so big???

Tonight he told me that he wanted to stay on the couch and sleep "because my knees kind of hurt from too much fighting." Cracked me up a little. He wasn't talking about the fighting that happens between him and Lilah, but rather the pretend MMA fights that he has with the air or his stuffed spiderman. He sure knows how to talk me into things and it never fails that when he gets the sense that I may say no, he quickly flashes me his big brown eyes, bats his long lashes, gives me a suddle smile, wraps his arms around me, kisses my arm, and says, "I love you mom."

He has however had his 4 going on 13 moments. He would play video games 24/7 if we let him, says things like "come on, I just have to" and has even told Dave that he doesn't like him. Ouch! You get nervous and think, seriously, what is he going to be like when he's a teenager if he's already got the attitude of a teenager. I am hoping he takes his time getting there...

Mostly though, he is sensitive, empathetic, and caring. The other day my mom came over to watch the kids while Dave and I ran a couple errands. Mason was in the bathroom as we left and had we waited for him, we may not have gotten all the things done that needed to be done if you know what I mean. Mom said when he came out of the bathroom he was quite upset and said with disappointment, "But I just wanted to give them a hug and a kiss goodbye. If they just waited a minute, I was almost done." Oh be still my heart!

Keep Your Head Up!

I'm not gonna lie, I've not been on here because emotionally and physically I haven't been feeling great and didn't want to be a "debby downer." Then, as things started to look up, I was crazy busy planning Dave, my mom's, and my Birthday party. It was a lot of fun with a great turn out and I am so very thankful for all the family and friends who came out to help us celebrate. We were very overwhelmed with the generosity of everyone. It's very heartwarming after being in the dumps to feel the love of so many! It's times like that when you realize how fortunate you really are. We got to see people we haven't seen in a while and be surrounded by people who really make your positive energy flow.

It frustrates me to think that I allow people who don't have such an influence on me, to control much of my happiness. You know when you give advice to others having a rough relationships (whether these relationships be friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances) and you say, "Do you really want them to be your friend or in your life if they would treat you that way?" Well, I fully believe that this advice makes total and complete sense and I believe it to my core. Many times have expressed those words to others needing comfort. Yet, I find myself having a hard time letting go of the feelings that have pulled me down to a pit over the type of people who really don't share positive, caring, and kind words or actions. I suppose it goes back to the days when I was so very naive and thought that everyone in this world was kind and if they weren't then it was merely because they were having a bad day. Surely that is the case many, if not most of the time for people. You have a bad day and may say things or do things that you later feel bad about. However, there comes a point in life when you realize that there are people out there who on a day to day basis express negativity. It's not just a bad day for them, but a way of life. It's a hard thing to swallow that there are people who thrive on bringing others down, who only care about themselves. People who likely did not have it easy at a time in there life and have since not been able to get out of a rut that can suck the life and energy out of those around them.
I have never been the type to surround myself with these people because it's just not healthy. Have you ever been around someone who lightens up a room simply just by being there? Someone who you trust, someone who is almost more happy than you when you have good news? I actually have a co-worker like this. She is loved by all, has never said a bad thing about anyone, and just makes you feel at ease when you are in there presence. That is the type of person I strive to be and that is the kind of person I like to be around and for the most part am around. Why is it that one or maybe even two bad apples can ruin the entire bag of apples? And, why are these people so toxic? Why doesn't the many, many wonderfully amazing people over-ride such crap. I am still trying to prove this unfortunate reality wrong. In the end, we all know that those people who care about you are all that matter. Maybe I'm having a hard time actually letting go of the naive girl inside of me who wants to believe that there really is good in the bad.

Growing Entertainment

Entertainment in my life comes in the form of 3 little ones who seem to never stop surprising me. Whether it be their words or actions, I just cannot help but smile and many times laugh. I usually update some of their cute little moments on facebook, but really wanted to take the time and update here while also just talking a little bit about where they are at right now.

     Mason is getting ready to start preschool. He could not be any more excited. He plans on taking the River Rider bus which is a transportation company that gives rides to many people throughout the community, including hundreds of preschoolers. I'm not gonna lie, I haven't thought much about it because I know I will be a nervous wreck. Heck, writing about it now is bringing on feelings of fear! Unfortunately I couldn't make it to his preschool open house as Lilah fell fast asleep 2 hours prior to her normal bed time and I was simply exhausted after my beloved grandma's funeral. Dave ended up taking him and said things went well. Of course, Mason enjoyed exploring the "new" toys there. I worry about him not being able to focus and to be easily distracted and distracting to other kids. He has a hard time keeping focus at home and will talk to anyone about anything. My hope is that it will help him to stay on track and show us what we can help him work on to prepare for kindergarden in a couple years. The teachers thought Mason was in the wrong class because he is so tall. I'm telling you, our kids all picked up some pretty strong recessive genes!
  They encouraged us to work with Mason on cutting coupons as they discovered he could use more practice in this area. The other day, Dave got out the scissors and some left over ads and put Mason to work. Later that evening, Mason had told me that he practiced cutting coupons. I figured since he was bringing it up that he must've been excited and I assumed it went well for him. However when I asked how it went, he answered "Not good. I'm gonna have to do more cutting when I go to school." I told Dave what Mason had said and Dave said that Mason had a hard time because when Lilah saw Mason cutting, she insisted on also practicing and threw a fit about wanting his scissors and not the other ones that we had. Poor kid!
     He knows how to spell his name and does an ok job writing it too.
     Mason is still such a love bug. He is constantly coming up to me to give me hugs and kisses and tells me that he loves me. His kisses crack me up! He sticks his lips out as far as they will go and they look just like a duck bills! This is one thing I am no doubt going to miss someday. Sure he may still give me hugs and kisses, but there is not way that they will be as often, nor will his lips be puckered so cute.
     He talks endlessly about video games. Rarely do him and Dave play video games, but you would not know that if you talked to Mason. He wants to play 24/7 and I suppose talking about it keeps the idea alive!
     He recently turned 4 yo and had his well child visit. His doctor talks highly of Mason and has said more than once that he is one of his favorite patients. While sitting on the exam table during his appointment, the doctor told Mason how cool he was and then the doc made a fist and told Mason to give him some skin. With determination in his eyes, Mason just sat there. The doc said again, "Give me some skin." I thought, "what in the world? Why is Mason not doing it?" After more consentration, I hear a loud fart come out right out of him. The doc took a few steps back and the 2 of them busted out laughing. I could not believe it! I was so embarassed. The doc looked at Mason and said "That was awesome! Now give me some skin!" Oh boy.....!
     He really enjoys fishing with Dave. His stories are true fisherman tales. Whenever people ask him how big the fish was that he caught, the length from hand to hand widens as he talks! He talks about the stink worms and how much the fish likes them. It's so much fun to hear him talk about it. I have some great memories of fishing with my dad and hope Mason has many more.
     He's got dance moves that I've never seen before and isn't afraid to show them. He also loves to sing many songs beyond his time. Staying home with dad who plays his favorite music throughout the day will do that. Funny story is that one of the first songs he learned to sing was "Blue Eyes Crying In the Rain" by Willie Nelson. Well, one day while my dad was watching him at his house, they went to a garage sale and my dad bought that Willie Nelson CD and gave it to Mason. The whole way home from his house, we listened to that song over and over!
     He likes to use words like "cool" and "awesome." Sometimes I wonder if he is really only 4.

Little Miss Lilah is my little mama. Dave keeps saying that he's sure she will have like 12 kids when she gets older. She is constantly paying attention to Brinlee and always handing her a nuk or a toy or a blanket. When Brinlee wakes up in the morning, we will find toys in her crib that Lilah has tossed over for her. She has done this since Brinlee slept in a bassinet. While sitting next to Brinlee a while ago, Brinlee let out a sneeze. Lilah placed her hand on Brinlee's back and said in a soft, sweet voice, "Bless you Binlee, but next time you need to cover your mouth like this" and then gives a demo. Lilah has scolded Brinlee if she sees Brinlee throw a toy or snack off of her highchair tray she will say, "No Brinlee. I don't think so. That's naughty." She has fed her baby food if we set the bowl on the table near Brinlee and walk away for a brief moment. She is very attentive to her and never shown any signs of jealousy. It's a fun relationship to watch and I often wonder what it will become.
     She is so into babies that if we are out and about she will go right up to a stroller to oodle over the baby that she doesn't know. Normally she is shy to new people, but a baby will always get her attention.
     Her love of her dollies is just as sweet. She will swaddle them and hold them against her chest while trying to "burp" them. She places them in Brinlee's swing, highchair, or walker. She's even shown Mason's action figures motherly love by laying a cloth on top of them as a blanket.
     She LOVES to color and is great at it! She is creative and likes to learn. One day I heard her count up to 17. Like most kids, she is a sponge. Her memory is amazing. She retains so much. I think it has a lot to do with her love of books since an early age.
    She is stubborn and still throws the biggest tantrums around. Her scream could shattered glass. She can go from happy to mad in seconds and the only thing that cools her off is a time out. When she's mad, she needs time alone because she is in no mood for talking or hugs or whatever else you think could settle someone down.
    Her stubborness has held her back from being potty trained. She is in control and the ball is in her court. She will go pee on the potty chair with a little convincing, but it really seems to be on her terms. I have a feeling we are getting close to her being trained, but should "knock on wood" cause you just never can know for sure.
     She is 2 1/2 years old, but if you observed her for a day, you would think I was lying. She talks so well and knows so much that I often wonder where she learns it all.
     She will be getting her tonsils and adenoids out on Sept 9th. She snores so loud that sometimes it sounds like she is choking. She will have it done at Childrens and stay the night since she is under 3 yo. I am very nervous and pray that it will go smoothly and she will have a quick recovery. Ironically, her cousin will also be at Children's at the same time having heart surgery. Mason will also have a T&A in the next 2-3 months as he also snores and arches his head back so far back to breathe at night. These 2 older ones sure like to copy eachother, from severe peanut allergy to bad eczema to staph infections. We are lucky though because this is nothing compared to what some people have to go through.

     Sweet baby Brinlee, she is my honey. 9 months old already and showing us that she wants to be heard around here too! She is much more vocal and almost yells at times although it's all babble. It's funny how even though you don't know the things they are trying to say, you can still understand their emotions.
    She started to crawl a little over a month ago. Mostly the army crawl, but it certainly works well. She can even go from lying on her belly to sitting on her butt!
    She has started to wave good bye and is also clapping. It melted my heart seeing her do that. Really made me realize just how much she is growing.
    She is munching on more snack type foods and drinks from her sippy cup.
    When she gets excited her little legs just go crazy kicking up and down as she giggles.

It is so bitter sweet watching them grow. They melt my heart so much and to think that this will all be a distant memory someday is almost too much to bear!

    

    

Drama-rama

     One thing I never wanted to write about on here was drama. I believe that drama creates a negative pit. A pit that is shallow and easy to slip into because it is so shallow. It stares back at you so readily wanting you to take a step.
     I always used to refer to myself as a dramatic person, you know the kind of person that got a little more emotional about things. The kind of person who let my feelings show without hesitation. But the more I see true "drama" I realize that the word dramatic wasn't the meaning I was really trying to get across.The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the word I should have used was passionate. And lets face it, passionate sounds sooo much better than dramatic. Sure I may over react at times with my emotions, but I'd like to think that I try to keep them mostly control. It may just be that I have a different way of showing emotions, a less reserved way. I am getting off track though. My reason for picking this topic is because sometimes life brings you drama. You see, I for some reason have been pulled into the ugly pit of drama. The type of drama that creates very devastating, frustrating, and maddening feelings. It's something that I truly try to avoid. I always thought that everyone tried to avoid such a type of drama, but the older I get, the more I realize that there are all kinds of people out there.     
      Its hard to believe that I have gotten pulled into this kindof crap. I bet you are wondering what in the world I am talking about. But, going into detail would only create more drama and that is certainly not what I want to do. I do want to say that in the end of all the harsh words shot my way, I was furious and wanted so badly to respond. I had my defenses up and was truly armed and ready to throw back at a battle I thought for sure I would win. Had it not been for my wonderful family and friends who let me vent over the next 2 hours, I just may have fired back in immense furry. Thankfully though, that time that I had venting, I was able to let that fire inside of me to dwindle. No it's not completely extinguished, but I am at peace with my decision to hold my ammunition and not fire. In my eyes I can look back at the situation and know that I didn't say things that I may regret. I am now better prepared for if these flames erupt again as I have had time to stop, reflect, and pray.
     I have found that the older I get, the easier it is for me to handle peoples' misconceptions directly rather than let the person continue to talk about me behind my back. My heart almost always pounds right out of my chest when I face these people head on, but the relief I feel afterwards is so very worth it. You know why? Because almost always there is clarity and peace instead of tension and confusion. And if there is not any clarity or peace, then maybe the relationship just isn't meant to be and that is ok too. After all, we cannot change anybody. We can only change how we react to them.

A pain in my check, I mean neck!

I cannot believe that August is already here. I feel as if I have not been outside as much as I wanted to thus far since summer began. I'd like to say it's the weather that has been my main deterrent, but despite the inconsistent summer weather, I have found myself more exhausted and less motivated. I think work is catching up to me, switching from days to nights and nights to days, also having a higher census at work means working more and taking care of patients who maybe don't follow the "normal" labor or postpartum course. I am extremely dedicated to my career and put my all into patient care and I suppose that takes a bit of a toll. The other problem I've been dealing with is my neck.  The never ending neck dilemma. It's an issue that I feel may never get better for the long term. Funny story though, well maybe it's funny...I did have botox injections done for a second time to see if paralyzing my neck muscles would take away the pain and I was left feeling like a bobble head or baby who needed to do tummy time to build muscle strength. No lie, if I didn't place my hand over my forehead when bending over to pick up something, I was sure that my neck would fall right off my shoulders! I also had some difficulty swallowing, which if you ask my husband, was already an issue. Whoa! I just re-read that last sentence and that is NOT what I meant! What I mean is I go into choking spells just about every day while eating and am pretty sure that when I am old I will die from aspiration. So back to what I was saying. The botox made it more difficult to swallow as it must have migrated to my throat muscles. No fun at all! And to top it all off, it did not help decrease my pain. Anyways, enough about my stupid neck. I think that these things have a great effect on my motivation. Oh and then you know what I'm left with? Guilt. Guilt that I barely have the energy to change out of my scrubs some days after work and so you can imagine how difficult it can be to find the strength to get 3 little kids ready for the outside. But, I know the solution! I need to get more sleep at night. I need to make it a priority to get back into listening to my relaxation CD and get back into a good sleep habit. Not easy when your body is flipping back and forth, but it's something that I need to focus on. How do you like that? I blog and go on and on and eventually come to a possible solution!

Something happened to me while at work the other day. Something that has NEVER happened to me before. Something that I am embarrassed to talk about. Why am I sharing it for all eyes to see and possibly judge? Because I am human and this is an opportunity to possibly relate with someone else. So, it was lunch time at work and I was orienting a new RN. I had brought pizza from home, but did not bring anything else. The cafeteria has these amazing fruit parfaits that I can't seem to get enough of and so I was going to go grab one as an addition to my lunch. The new RN that I was orienting was pulling out a couple dollars from her pocket and asked me to grab her a chocolate milk while I was down there. I told her to put her money away cause I would cover it. I walk the long path to the cafeteria and grabbed my parfait and her choc milk and head right up to the cash register, hand the lady my debit card, and pull my pen out of my pocket ready to sign the receipt. It was no more than $4 total. One major problem. Within seconds, she looks at me with a surprised look and says "It's declined." A million thoughts run through my mind as she asks me if I want her to run my card through again. I can feel the heat rush to my face and quickly say "No that's ok. I have another card that I will go get that I know will be good." Before any tears flow, I rapidly head toward the Birth Center and am trying to figure out why my debit card was declined. Never has this happened to me and I wondered, really did it have to happen at work where I will see them all again day after day and then wonder what they think? Because I have a plan with my bank where they can take from my savings to cover my checking if needed, I was luckily not charged any fees and transferred the money before I even made it back to the cafeteria. I hadn't been keeping close track to my account balance or statements even though I knew it was pretty tight at that time. I came to find out that Golds Gym had still not reimbursed me $60 for frequent fitness credit from 6 months ago. No doubt, my saddened tears turned to anger as I was preparing my 3rd discussion with Gold's Gym managers after work. That is another story in itself, which shows a side of me I didn't even know I had, but back to this story...I came back down with my credit card in hand and saw a now packed cafeteria with a line and think "Great, I can only hope this transaction goes quickly and smoothly without having to explain the situation to someone else." Before I can even get halfway through the cafeteria, I see my Human Resource Director holding a tray with lunch, a parfait, and a choc milk. She looks at me and says "I heard you were having trouble with your card so this is on me" as she hands over the parfait and choc milk. I wanted to cry right then and there. I was very grateful, while at the same time thoroughly embarrassed at what may be crossing her mind. I always think the worse though and deep down know that she didn't judge. It's moments like this that can be almost unbearable and yet also wake you up to be more aware of your spending and make changes to not let such a thing happen again. Fortunately I've always been able to keep some amount of money in at least one of my accounts and am grateful for that. Yes sometimes it may be really tight, but we are content and comfortable with what we have. This was an opportunity to see the caring of my co-worker and also to have that "been there" feeling for when in the future I may witness the same experience. Many times we need to have these experiences before we can actually grasp and fully understand and not judge.

Tough Enough

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if one day you are just going about your normal business and the next thing you know a doctor is telling you that your days are numbered? I often wonder what that must feel like, but know that I could never really understand the depth of those feelings until perhaps that would happen to me. I am talking about cancer. That nasty disease that trys to destroy more peoples lives without saying a word. I remember in high school, I did a report on cancer and to be honest I didn't really understand half the words that I put on that paper, but one thing I will never forget was my teacher saying , "You know this is a disease that if you live long enough, you will get." Those are some pretty powerful words and maybe that's why I remember them. I know he wasn't directing them to me and was just directing them to people in general. I am beginning to think he may be right. Not that I am thinking I will get cancer and not to say that I am thinking that I am immune from getting it either. I just have noticed that the longer I live, the more people I know that have had to deal with that unfortunate card they were dealt. I had a friend named Jessie who was the most spunky, pretty, and sweetest girl you could ever meet. She was 24 yo and really tough I tell you. She got told at around the time I got married that she had cervical cancer and it was so bad that they recommended a hysterectomy. It was so unusual that she was referred to the Mayo Clinic. I remember hearing about all of this and worrying about her. We weren't close friends, but partied together and had many mutual friends. I remember her slurred, happy-go-lucky, funny speech as she held a Coors Lite in one hand and pulled another out of the cooler to hand to me. I'm getting off track, but she was a sweetheart. I wished I had known more about what was going on with the cancer, but the people I got my info from didn't know much more than that. I would ask occasionally if anyone had an update, but many said she didn't talk about it. I could understand that so I sent a card letting her know that we were thinking about her and praying for her. A couple years went by and the next thing I knew was that she was now fighting a terminal cancer in her liver. The cancer had spread. She was a tough cookie though and on her caringbridge page she wrote about how the worst thing a doctor told her was that there was no cure and basically no way to survive this. She was not going to let this get to her without a fight and boy did she fight! It makes me sad to look back now and not have shown more caring. Don't get me wrong, I prayed hard for her and I sent messages on her caringbridge site, but I wish I would have given her gift cards or books or music, something more, ya know. I could tell when the end was near for her. Her posts were no longer written by her. I remember being somewhat frustrated at the people who gave the "You can do it, you're strong" responses. I wanted to reach through the computer and tell them, she's given all she can! I wanted them to realize that this was it because I don't think that they truly understood that she was tired. I know they just were trying to be supportive though and I do get that. The sadness that overwhelmed me sparked something that really made me realize that when you know someone is suffering, there are so many things we can do to show our love and care. She died the day before her benefit. Do you know why she had a benefit? Because she didn't want to leave any bills or loans for her mother. She had a such a huge heart! Her wake and funeral was the most inspirational event I have ever been to. They had a closed casket with a beautiful picture of her next to it. I have never been to a funeral with a closed casket and as much as I would have loved to "see" her one last time, I got to see her beauty in a picture and not in a casket which would have shown what this horrible disease did to her. Who wants to be remembered like that? I won't ever have a vision of what the cancer did to her and I don't need that either. She had a beautiful voice and they played her voice singing songs that she recorded for her sister's wedding. How amazing is that??? She was an artist and her work was displayed for all to see. They read the emails that she had sent while going through chemo and it showed her wit and read exerts from her journal to show her huge heart. You know what else? The weather could not have been anymore beautiful! It was as perfect as "perfect" can be for a funeral. I often think of her amazing family. Jessie was the baby girl and left a deep hole in the hearts of many. For as long as I live I will remember her genuine words and particularly the words she left behind about being kind to those who you don't know. I try to live that and if I see someone struggling, I help and do so thinking about Jessie.

Ironically, my Aunt Kelly was diagnosed with cervical cancer not too long before Jessie had passed. It has spread to her lungs and she has put on her gloves and is fighting this nasty disease. I pray for her and have faith that she will beat it. So far she has had good results from her CT scans! I have learned from my previous experience how important it is to show my support and so we have made her a giant gift basket filled with goodies to keep her busy and sent her a card every 1-2 weeks. I cannot imagine what it must be like to go through all the side effects that the meds have on you, but am amazed at the will and determination that these women have to not let it consume them.

At work a few weeks ago, we had a "Tough Enough To Wear Pink" contest. Basically our hospital helps sponsor the Buffalo Rodeo and they work together to raise money to provide mammograms and such to women in the community. So, every year we have a fun contest to see who has the best pink outfit. Unfortunately there was only 1 judge and I didn't win, get 2nd, or 3rd place, but I was able to honor my Aunt and remember my friends who have battled cancer.

Where Has the Time Gone?

Not gonna lie, I feel terrible for not posting for another month. It's not like I haven't had things to write about either. I just haven't had time. I have been extra busy lately which I guess is a good thing, but I still need to make every effort I can to make time for blogging. It's funny cause it's like a friend you haven't talked to in a while. The more time that passes, the more your mind reminds you that you need to get in touch. So, here I am. As I write, I am trying to think of where to begin and it may be better for readers if I have a few different posts rather than one long never ending post to read.
I have been spending a lot of my hours making a photo/scrap book for Dave's parents. I am thinking that none of his family reads this blog so I should be ok to write about that. I want it to be a surprise for all of them, not just his parents. Dave has this box 1/4 full of random pics of his years growing up. Well I am part of this awesome website called Groupon.com and it offered $50 worth of book for just $15 at Mixbook.com. (If you're looking for great deals check this site out!) I've never made a scrapbook from a website, but it sounded intriguing so I thought since I had an awesome deal, I would give it a shot. I now understand a bit more what Jody does! I love all the photos that were thrown in this box and couldn't have thought of a better way to bring the memories back. It took me forever! Just like scrap booking, but it's much easier to edit. I may have found another hobby, lol! One great thing about this website is that you can upload pics and if you don't have time to make a book, it will make a book for you with no obligation to keep it. Of course, I wanted to make my own and add my own special touches, but it sure is a nice option. I did publish the book too, so if you want to check it out, just go to Mixbook.com and the book is called "Snapshots of Days Gone By." I can't wait to give it to Dave's parent's! I spent at least 36 hours on it, hence the fact that I've been MIA. I hope I can be near as creative as my cousin Jody someday, so maybe it won't take me so long to do!